Monday, April 27, 2009

Twlight: The End

Update: I've heard there's some confusion. Let me be very clear: This is NOT a part of the real book. This is what another lady who doesn't like the books wrote as her own ending.

Twilight Part 7
(Previous Posts: Really? You did see that this is number seven? You want to read six more? I didn't think so. If you change your mind just click the "Not As Silver" words at the top of the blog and scroll way, way, way down.)

More fun from my new friend (And I'm done. Promise. At least until the next time I hear what your book club is reading!) and after you read it, click here to view the cake I made to celebrate the end of this series. I'm available for your next book club gathering. (No. I won't stick around, Candace...geez...) Bon Appetit, Edward!

Edward leaned toward me, his perfect face inches from mine. His sweet, delicious breath ghosted over my face. His golden eyes glowed with love.

“How do you like it?” he whispered, his velvet voice purring in my ear.

I couldn’t respond, so dazzled was I by his sparkling skin. He shone like a diamond in the sun, a godlike creature before me.

He smirked at my befuddlement, but then his face darkened and he thundered, “Don’t be difficult, Bella!”

I cringed, but he instantly softened, chuckled his bell-like laugh, and leaned toward me again. His cold, pale fingers brushed my cheek. I stopped breathing.

“Come here,” he said, bounding up in one of those blindingly-fast movements I’d grown accustomed to. “I want to show you something.”

He led me to a small creek and sank gracefully into the grass at its edge. I tripped over a pebble and landed on my face in the mud. Edward laughed. How could he love me? He was so beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect. Like the statue of David come alive. Like Adonis, a god, an angel.

Edward removed his shoes and rolled up the cuffs of his jeans, and I gasped at the sight of his white, smooth ankles. Sunlight reflected off his toenails, each an ivory glint of perfection. I’d never seen Edward’s feet before. I hadn’t realized he could be more beautiful than he was, but there seemed no end to his beauty.

My heart beat madly in my chest, bounced up into my throat, ricocheted off half a dozen ribs, and finally settled somewhere in the vicinity of my kneecap. I collapsed.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Edward had lifted me in his marble arms and cradled me to his granite chest. “Bella? Bella!” he screamed. “No!”

The sight of his perfect, glorious face so twisted in anguish sent waves of torture through my body. “Edward!” I gasped.

His cold, unyielding lips pressed to mine, but I dared not move for fear of breaking his control, so irresistible did he find the scent of my blood. I could not bear knowing I had caused Edward pain by forcing him to eat me. My heart fluttered around my kneecap.

The kiss done, Edward set me on my feet. Without moving, I tripped over a stick and would have fallen in the stream had Edward not caught me in his iron embrace.

“Will you answer a question?” I asked.

“Of course, my love, my life, my forever,” Edward said, casually tearing boulders apart with his toes. I watched, spellbound for a moment, before remembering myself.

“I once asked if you could turn into a bat, and you just laughed.”

Edward smirked. “Because it was a stupid question. We don’t turn into bats. Why would we want to turn into bats?”

“But can you turn into something?”

“Of course.” He stood, stretched, and his shirt rose enough for me to catch a glimpse of his sculpted abs above his waistband. I hyperventilated and passed out.

When I awoke, Edward was speaking.

“—for disguise.”

“What?” I asked breathlessly.

“I said, we turn into fruit. It’s great for disguising yourself.” He watched me carefully, to see if this revelation would finally be the one that convinced me he was a monster, that sent me screaming from him.

“Oh.” I said. “What kind of fruit?”

He looked frustrated, annoyed, euphoric, scared, nervous, grumpy, amused, sleepy, and sad. Like an archangel come down from heaven to bless me with his presence. “An apple.”

“Oh. Can I see?”

Rage colored his features. “No! Why can’t you understand? I’m a danger to you! I could kill you! I should leave you forever!” He threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around me. “I should go – right now! It’s the only way to keep you safe!”

Despair settled over me, so thick and heavy I could hardly see. “No, Edward! Don’t leave me! I know we’ve only been together for three hours, but I want to spend forever with you! Please!”

He pulled back and looked at me, thousands of emotions roiling in his liquid topaz eyes. “Do you mean that, Bella?”


“Very well.”

His perfect, glorious, heavenly face dipped toward me, and he touched his cold lips to my neck. He growled deep in his throat, a sound that traveled up and down my spine like lightning.

Then came a sharp pain. His grip tightened. I gasped his name. My sight dimmed until all I could see was the sparkle of his skin, calling me to paradise.

Then nothing.


Edward looked down at the body of Bella Swan, pale and lifeless in his pale and lifeless arms.


His sobs shook the forest for six long seconds, and then he stood, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.


He sprinted for the edge of the forest, moving faster than any living creature, and wondered if that Angela girl would be his new lab partner.

The End!


And now you don't have to read the book. Your brain will thank you.

Can I have a little fun?

Twilight Part 6
(Previous Posts: Go to this one and start reading!)

Come on.
Just a little fun? It'll only take two posts. I mean, we’ve got 11 year olds and 30 year olds tacking up the same posters. (And I’m not kidding. I can show you it in the classroom where she teaches.) I’ve got to have some fun with it. And a great gal out there provide that much needed levity. I don’t have a clue if she loves Jesus, but she might. I haven’t checked her out much. But I do know that we could enjoy many cups of coffee together ripping apart Bella and Edward.

Here’s a couple of great parts to her post on Twilight…

The Catalog

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165…Broken Down into the following categories -

  • Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
  • Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
  • Eyes: 17
  • Movement: 11
  • Smile: 10
  • Teeth: 8
  • Muscles: 7
  • Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
  • Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
  • Scent: 4
  • Laughter: 3
  • Handwriting: 2
  • Chest: 2
  • Driving Skills: 1

The Number of Times...

  • Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
  • Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
  • Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
  • Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
  • Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
  • Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
    • Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2
    • Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
    • Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
  • Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
  • Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
  • Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
  • Edward Sparkles: 3
  • Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
    • Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
  • Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
  • Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
  • Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0

I would have kept track of how many times Edward's mood shifts unexpectedly and for no reason, but I didn't have that much paper. I am sad, though, that I didn't keep track of how many times words like "granite," "stone," and "marble" are used in reference to Edward. His arms, his lips. Explain to me how kissing cold, marble lips is at all appealing. And yet it makes Bella faint. I give up.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

But Kim...

Twilight Part 5
(Previous Posts: Wall-E, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

I'm going to use this post to answer some questions and some concerns that y'all've been so gracious to send to me (if you're not from the south that would read...that you have all been so gracious...). I'll give a sample comment or question and then provide a brief response (Hey. I heard that.).

So, if I read the book and liked it, I'm in sin.
I have no idea. I'm very, very clear that all I could look at is the outside. It's God that would have to see into your heart to know it. You probably do, too. Let's say you were reading along and thought...Seriously, around here we call sneaking into someone's house to watch her sleep, stalking. Or you thought...Okay. Come on, Bella. Enough about his breath. Or perhaps it passed through your mind...if my daughter thinks this is what it's going to be like when she's 17, she's in for a huge disappointment. But the story's fun. Or even...She's in love with another. Good grief, that's bad. Then you may not have swallowed it whole and put up posters inside your closet door so your friends don't see it. If you keep justifying everything they do in the books as right? You find yourself wanting to be in their world rather than yours? It's a problem you should consider.

And if in reading them, you keep thinking that I'm going a little far and you really don't think this is such a big deal? Well, if we live near each other then I hope to see you soon, give you a big hug, and ask how everything's going. I hope to love you well, and that you'll do the same while we both keep in mind that God is faithful to us both to bring us to completion. He'll get it right in us both eventually. I can be 'bout you?

What about the good stuff that's in it...the way Edward keeps her from giving in...the fact that he loves her for who she is not what she does...that he delights in her...etc.?
I'm right there with you. Good stuff. Call good, good. Call evil, evil. (Isaiah 5:20)

Shouldn't we let our girls read it so they see those good things?
How discerning is your daughter? How settled in Christ? How content with the way God made her? Struggling to awaken love before it's time? (Song of Solomon 2:7) Content with the way God made her and firm on how God instituted marriage and why it exists?

Do you talk with as much passion about the Word to her? Have you read the Bible with her...talked about it the way you talked about the book?

That's more what's on my mind than whether or not she's read this specific book. But shouldn't we show her good models of values we're looking for? Sure. But can't you pick a better book that doesn't need as much explaining and filtering and searching the Word??

On a side note, one mom commented that Bella does nothing to attract Edward and wanted her girls to see that. I looked again at Twilight and read a ton of quotes from the other books (haven't read them), and I've got to say I strongly disagree. If I'm watching Cassie and guy and she says and does what Bella does, I'd...well, she knows what I'd do...and it won't be pretty. I find out she's got journal entries like this? We've got so much work to do in understanding what responding looks like. One wise woman said it like this...Guard your heart. Some courtships advance all the way to the altar. Some don’t. Keep your heart at the same level as the commitment. Don’t let your heart race ahead. Sound like Bella??

Okay, Kim, but what about Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, etc.? Or Christian books like Redeeming Love? If we take this tack, should we ban all romance movies, TV and books?
Maybe. I have no idea how they're affecting you or how poorly they reflect Christ. When it comes to a movie like Pride and Prejudice (and I'm thinking of the book and BBC good, by the way) which all my girls have seen several times, there were several places we've talked...Lydia and Mr. Wickham's relationship and the pushy aggressiveness she and her sister display...Elizabeth's tendency to jump to conclusions without getting to know what motivates people...her and Mr. Darcy's pride which stand in the way of communicating...willingness to wait and grieve deeply but reflectively like Jane...Mr. Darcy doing good quietly behind the scenes, not wanting applause from men...Elizabeth's admission that she was a fool and her willingness to say so to everyone.

Love that book. And there's some problems with it, when it calls good what is not reflective of Christ's marriage plan for us (e.g. whiny manipulation isn't seen as good, but not ever seen as anything but expected). We talk about those as well. But for me, the time spent talking and pondering those issues are worth the effort. Maybe you wouldn't think so or it would feed some desire within you that would make you weaker to temptation. You decide.

At least we could say that Francine Rivers' Redeeming Love was written with the Word in mind. You can read the book of Hosea to see what it portrays. I wouldn't let your jr. high daughter read that one either. Cassie has, but I'll wait a few years to even offer it to Aisley even though it's great. But the same holds true. Michael, the main character, is a strong leader, full of faith. And I remember when I was reading it that it moved me in good ways, but I know that I am also sometimes tempted to dream about what it might be like to married to a guy like him instead of Wayne, especially during football season! It is not good for me to read most fiction at night during the fall. I'm just more tempted toward discontentment. I have to know it and fight it by fleeing from these sorts of things. You decide how you might do right now.

I'm with you...but she's already read them. Now what?
Read them. Talk about them. If in reading them you feel the conviction that you shouldn't have allowed that to happen, at least without reading them together, please just tell her. Tell her that you're sorry. She'll probably brush it off a little...saying she really liked them. Just say it again and mean it. Tell her you'll try to do better next time. Then tell her you'd like to spend some conversations with her talking about some of the ideas, propositions and scenes and how they match up to or oppose Scripture. Then you gotta get busy in the Word, don't you??

Will I ever get to read a book or watch a TV show or movie if this challenge is true?
Sure. Do so without thought, discernment and a renewed mind? Hopefully not. Rejoice in what is darkness and bitterness in God's view? If He is so gracious, we'll all grow to approve only of what is excellent...and so be pure and blameless in the Day of Christ Jesus. I'm right there with you. Let's keep running together.