Twlight: The End

Update: I've heard there's some confusion. Let me be very clear: This is NOT a part of the real book. This is what another lady who doesn't like the books wrote as her own ending.

Twilight Part 7
(Previous Posts: Really? You did see that this is number seven? You want to read six more? I didn't think so. If you change your mind just click the "Not As Silver" words at the top of the blog and scroll way, way, way down.)

More fun from my new friend (And I'm done. Promise. At least until the next time I hear what your book club is reading!) and after you read it, click here to view the cake I made to celebrate the end of this series. I'm available for your next book club gathering. (No. I won't stick around, Candace...geez...) Bon Appetit, Edward!

Duskiness

Edward leaned toward me, his perfect face inches from mine. His sweet, delicious breath ghosted over my face. His golden eyes glowed with love.

“How do you like it?” he whispered, his velvet voice purring in my ear.

I couldn’t respond, so dazzled was I by his sparkling skin. He shone like a diamond in the sun, a godlike creature before me.

He smirked at my befuddlement, but then his face darkened and he thundered, “Don’t be difficult, Bella!”

I cringed, but he instantly softened, chuckled his bell-like laugh, and leaned toward me again. His cold, pale fingers brushed my cheek. I stopped breathing.

“Come here,” he said, bounding up in one of those blindingly-fast movements I’d grown accustomed to. “I want to show you something.”

He led me to a small creek and sank gracefully into the grass at its edge. I tripped over a pebble and landed on my face in the mud. Edward laughed. How could he love me? He was so beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect. Like the statue of David come alive. Like Adonis, a god, an angel.

Edward removed his shoes and rolled up the cuffs of his jeans, and I gasped at the sight of his white, smooth ankles. Sunlight reflected off his toenails, each an ivory glint of perfection. I’d never seen Edward’s feet before. I hadn’t realized he could be more beautiful than he was, but there seemed no end to his beauty.

My heart beat madly in my chest, bounced up into my throat, ricocheted off half a dozen ribs, and finally settled somewhere in the vicinity of my kneecap. I collapsed.

Faster than a speeding bullet, Edward had lifted me in his marble arms and cradled me to his granite chest. “Bella? Bella!” he screamed. “No!”

The sight of his perfect, glorious face so twisted in anguish sent waves of torture through my body. “Edward!” I gasped.

His cold, unyielding lips pressed to mine, but I dared not move for fear of breaking his control, so irresistible did he find the scent of my blood. I could not bear knowing I had caused Edward pain by forcing him to eat me. My heart fluttered around my kneecap.

The kiss done, Edward set me on my feet. Without moving, I tripped over a stick and would have fallen in the stream had Edward not caught me in his iron embrace.

“Will you answer a question?” I asked.

“Of course, my love, my life, my forever,” Edward said, casually tearing boulders apart with his toes. I watched, spellbound for a moment, before remembering myself.

“I once asked if you could turn into a bat, and you just laughed.”

Edward smirked. “Because it was a stupid question. We don’t turn into bats. Why would we want to turn into bats?”

“But can you turn into something?”

“Of course.” He stood, stretched, and his shirt rose enough for me to catch a glimpse of his sculpted abs above his waistband. I hyperventilated and passed out.

When I awoke, Edward was speaking.

“—for disguise.”

“What?” I asked breathlessly.

“I said, we turn into fruit. It’s great for disguising yourself.” He watched me carefully, to see if this revelation would finally be the one that convinced me he was a monster, that sent me screaming from him.

“Oh.” I said. “What kind of fruit?”

He looked frustrated, annoyed, euphoric, scared, nervous, grumpy, amused, sleepy, and sad. Like an archangel come down from heaven to bless me with his presence. “An apple.”

“Oh. Can I see?”

Rage colored his features. “No! Why can’t you understand? I’m a danger to you! I could kill you! I should leave you forever!” He threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around me. “I should go – right now! It’s the only way to keep you safe!”

Despair settled over me, so thick and heavy I could hardly see. “No, Edward! Don’t leave me! I know we’ve only been together for three hours, but I want to spend forever with you! Please!”

He pulled back and looked at me, thousands of emotions roiling in his liquid topaz eyes. “Do you mean that, Bella?”

“Yes.”

“Very well.”

His perfect, glorious, heavenly face dipped toward me, and he touched his cold lips to my neck. He growled deep in his throat, a sound that traveled up and down my spine like lightning.

Then came a sharp pain. His grip tightened. I gasped his name. My sight dimmed until all I could see was the sparkle of his skin, calling me to paradise.

Then nothing.

****

Edward looked down at the body of Bella Swan, pale and lifeless in his pale and lifeless arms.

“Oops.”

His sobs shook the forest for six long seconds, and then he stood, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth.

“Yum.”

He sprinted for the edge of the forest, moving faster than any living creature, and wondered if that Angela girl would be his new lab partner.

The End!

+++++++

And now you don't have to read the book. Your brain will thank you.

Can I have a little fun?

Twilight Part 6
(Previous Posts: Go to this one and start reading!)

Come on. Just a little fun? It'll only take two posts. I mean, we’ve got 11 year olds and 30 year olds tacking up the same posters. (And I’m not kidding. I can show you it in the classroom where she teaches.) I’ve got to have some fun with it. And a great gal out there provide that much needed levity. I don’t have a clue if she loves Jesus, but she might. I haven’t checked her out much. But I do know that we could enjoy many cups of coffee together ripping apart Bella and Edward.

Here’s a couple of great parts to her post on Twilight…

The Catalog

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165…Broken Down into the following categories -

• Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
• Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
• Eyes: 17
• Movement: 11
• Smile: 10
• Teeth: 8
• Muscles: 7
• Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
• Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
• Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)
• Scent: 4
• Laughter: 3
• Handwriting: 2
• Chest: 2
• Driving Skills: 1

The Number of Times...

• Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
• Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
• Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
• Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
• Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
• Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
• Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2
• Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
• Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
• Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
• Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
• Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
• Edward Sparkles: 3
• Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
• Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
• Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
• Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
• Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0

I would have kept track of how many times Edward's mood shifts unexpectedly and for no reason, but I didn't have that much paper. I am sad, though, that I didn't keep track of how many times words like "granite," "stone," and "marble" are used in reference to Edward. His arms, his lips. Explain to me how kissing cold, marble lips is at all appealing. And yet it makes Bella faint. I give up.

Rubbin' it in

A reminder of why he's considered the best of the best...maybe in heaven God will let me flick my wrist and have this happen...



HT: Between Two Worlds

Affliction may be too strong of a word

One of my favorite parts of Scripture is when Paul shares his heart about the churches in Macedonia in 2 Corinthians 8:1-3...

We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia, for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part. For they gave according to their means, as I can testify, and beyond their means, of their own accord...

That's what came to mind when the girls gave us their gift. They were so giggly...so thrilled to do it...truly bouncing with happiness. And it wasn't just at that moment. They asked us at the beginning of January to see if there was a weekend we could block out this semester and not have any plans those days. Why? we asked. We're not telling, just block it out, okay? Well, we agreed, but have wondered for weeks what the deal was.

Then came the secret meetings in Cassie's room...followed by huge grins as they came out. The almost daily giggles as they'd whisper to each other. But what really touched my heart about all this happened over the weeks of preparation. To give us this gift took hundreds of dollars...from three girls with no real money. Cassie has a job at the church which pays her for about 3 hours a week at minimum wage and babysits when she can. Aisley and Brennan both babysit sporadically. But it's not like they just gave a little off the top. Every time they got money...any money...they'd rush to Cassie's room...laughing, grinning, happy as could be they they could contribute to whatever it was they were planning.

I can't tell you how that blessed me week after week. And to say that it was a "severe test of affliction" is probably overstating it just a bit. But I promise you that it wasn't easy. They don't get allowances...never have. They have lots of wants, mostly aimed at tech stuff which is very expensive. And because we live off of a single paycheck from a public school, there's lots of daily stuff that they live without that a lot of their friends have or places they can't go because there's just no money for it. Which means that every dollar they make is usually pre-spent in their minds. But they gave it all up for us...to bless us. And they didn't do it begrudgingly. They did it with joy...with generosity...with blessing.

What a lesson for me tonight. What am I hoarding for myself because I have no greater vision than how I can throw it away on myself? Isn't there anyone out there that I love more than myself...for whom I would count it a joy...a privilege...to give to them instead of keeping it for me? Isn't there any gratitude in me that would serve to fuel giving? Can't I be like my girls? It's a good, challenging word for me.

Because that overflow didn't come out of their good, little hearts...as if they've got that little something extra. Notice how Paul put it when he wanted to spread the news of what happened in Macedonia. When giving like this occurs, it's because God got involved and poured out grace to them. And He did much more besides give to us...they told me that one of the amazing things about doing this was that they still have money left over. Somehow...some way...and they're not really sure how...God gave them abundantly more than they could have asked for...or even imagined. What a God we serve! I love that in giving this to us, He also gave them a really good lesson in how generous He can be when we pour out our lives for others. They all spoke in wonder that it happened the way it did.

How I praise Him tonight for His care of us all as Wayne and I make plans. I love that He put this in their hearts. I love that I'll be getting away with Wayne for the first time since our honeymoon almost 20 years ago! (The girls thought that was pretty pathetic...funny moment...I think they're resolved to do a couple of things differently in their own marriages!) I love that through it all, He reminded me that He owns everything and can move everything...we need only obey with joy. I love that He loves my girls enough to give them this message this early. I pray for this good seed to bear much fruit for them in their lives. What a difference three women who love to give away their lives can make on this world for the Kingdom. And if they'd like to do it by sending their Mom and Dad on vacation every now and then? Icing. Really, really sweet icing.

I love free stuff

Here are a few of the really amazing offers going on around the web:

Justin Taylor over at Between Two Worlds wrote about a project called Page CXVI. They have taken hymns and remixed them with an Indie Rock sound that is wonderful. I greatly enjoyed listening to them last night. The best news is that right now you can download seven of their hymns for free. At the top of the website page you can preview the music.


This month amazingly the people over at the ESV Study Bible site are making all of the content available for free for everyone. If you own a print version of this Bible you can access this content with the code that came with the Bible. But for all of March everyone can see all of the amazing note, articles, maps, and other features that make this Bible so amazing. You can also listen to any of it while you study.


But here's the best part of what the ESV offers online. There is another site to access the Bible online by going through the publisher. And here is my favorite part...from this site you can download audio files of an text of Scripture free...whether you want a passage, single verse, or an entire book. This has been unbelievably helpful to me when I've been reading lately. I find I can really focus hard on the text when I'm reading along with someone else. And I'm seeing more in it than ever! I love it. And yes. They know you can do this!

To do it...just go to this site...click the "options" button...under audio options click whichever MP3 option you'd like. I am really enjoying David Cochran Heath which is the second option. Click save and type in the search bar whatever Scripture you'd like. I'm headed there to do 1 Peter 1. Right click on the word (Listen) and a small window should pop with the option to "Save link as..." Click that and save it wherever you have your music files under the Scripture reference. Repeat for however many you want! I've always wanted to be able to listen to Scripture on my iPod but could never afford to...now I can have whatever I want when I want it. Fantastic.


For an even more comprehensive list of what else ESV offers for free just click here. And don't worry...Justin Taylor is an editor for Crossway and the managing editor of the ESV Study Bible.


Last but not least, Christian Audio's free download of the month is Don Whitney's Spriritual Disciplines. He covers everything from reading and prayer to worship and fasting to silence and stewardship...with more between. It's a fantastic book that is full of practical wisdom for incorporating Christ in more areas of our lives. I've greatly enjoyed it.

Took a second for this one to click

And then it was so funny. If it takes you a minute to see the humor, focus on the score at the end.



I can't tell you how many times we've been watching some sporting event, usually football, when a guy breaks out into dance (and sometimes song and dance) after a play. If you're sitting beside Wayne you'll hear a disgusted mutter...Come on. Act like you've done it before.

We love to see guys who don't think a tackle is worthy of an Academy Award or one sack out of 75 attempts is newsworthy. Hilarious to see it so very vividly portrayed...and he's celebrating over PING-PONG! Down here in Texas, that's not a sport...that's not even a game. It's a...I don't even know what. A thing you send the kids to play so the grown-ups can talk sort of thing. Takes a real secure guy to dance after a ping-pong point...especially point one.

Why stop at 25

Yes. I'm on facebook. And if you can see me here then you already know that. If you can't and can relate to this video...feel free to send a friend request. If you find yourself laughing in recognition? Seriously. Find another friend. Cassie would love you.

You might be a redneck if...

I really will get back to serious stuff! But for now, I'm needing some levity and God's providing...

Redneck Seafood

HT: The Blazing Center

For Patti

Blogging

Wedding cake #1

And hopefully the last. I'm not cut out for the pressure of a bride on her wedding day. Fortunately, she was happy with it. So for all of you who care...though why you would other than to have a chuckle, I'll never know...

Let's work on our parking, shall we?

I know. I'm encouraging demeaning stereotypes. But given that I've driven with a lot of my friends...yes, you...there's a reason these things become well known. Here's just a few examples of why it's important to me to teach my girls how to drive well.

Heads up

Sometimes I think of things that I wish I had known as a young mom. This is one of them, though it falls on the lighter side of parenting. And yes, I know that I mentioned it here before, but it bears repeating...

Be careful about doing things two times in a row for your kids, especially on holidays.

Anything two times in a row.

Sometimes you'll mean to. You've got something that you're longing to impart to them so you start doing something special around Christmas or their birthday. I promise that if you do, it's stuck. It doesn't take much. But sometimes, you won't mean to. You won't even remember what you did last year. But they will.

That's why tonight the girls are getting helium balloons and chocolate for Valentine's Day. Not because there was some grand plan to teach them something profound about love...but because one night at about 11pm on the day before Valentine's, Wayne and I remember that we had NOTHING to give the girls the next morning. Thus a trip to Wal-Mart's decimated aisles where we got the only things left...balloons and chocolate. They loved it so much that we remembered the balloons the next year. And who doesn't do chocolate. But that was years ago. You'd think they'd clamor for something better now. But no. Last week I overheard them talking to each other.

Can't wait to get my balloon, said Brennan.
And chocolate, said Aisley.
Yeah and remember we get a gift card, too, Brennan added.

A gift card? When did I throw that in? I ask.
Mom. Seriously. I hear back. You always get us a gift card.
Mom, the other adds, you know that. She's just being funny.

Well, no. I wasn't. But thinking back...sure enough...for the last couple of years we've gotten them various gift cards because frankly I'm tired of the junk that accumulates in my house and at least Chik-fil-a is consumable. Also, that's the only way they'd ever get Starbucks from me because there is something about paying $4 for a drink that rubs me wrong!

So there you have it. Balloons, chocolate and gift cards. Now the trick is to figure out some amazingly deep spiritual analogy that will make them think of Christ instead of consumerism and modern day romance. Any ideas, let me know. For now, I better start thinking about what we did for Easter the last couple of years...

Serious cold

Now, come on. I know some of you are cold, but let's all get a little perspective.




HT: Between Two Worlds

The angel of the Piper

Well, I can't decide how to react. You won't be surprised to hear that John Piper is one of my heroes of the faith. After all, I'm about to start a study of one of his books. I listen to him, read his stuff, have driven miles to hear him talk many times...love it. So, I guess it's good to be reminded that he's just a guy...a guy who wears red pants, really large jackets and makes sure the edges are perfect. Hilarious.

Out of the closet

Sounds worse than it is. Promise. All I'm doing is admitting that I'm pulling for the Florida Gators to win tonight's championship. But to some of my more ardent GA Bulldog friends...well, let's just say, it's possible that they might be more sympathetic to the other use of "out of the closet" than this one.

I know that the SEC takes rivalry to an all new level. Most of them can't believe that Texas fans will pull for other Texas schools when they play outside the conference. John and Nathan can't even stay in a Florida town without counting the minutes until they go home.

But, come on, guys. Tim Tebow.

Please. He loves the Lord. He serves the poor. He mentors kids in the inner city. He even serves in prisons and talks about Christ wherever he's got a minute. Don't believe me? Read this. You'll see what I mean. Even that columnist who writes for ESPN says this:

It truly would be a shame to submit to cynicism and not fully appreciate the gift of Tebow -- the way he plays football with an unquenchable passion, and the way he approaches life with even greater ardor. If you think he hits linebackers hard on fourth-and-1, that's nothing compared to the way he tackles his higher calling to spread the word. In this one instance, what looks too good to be true really is true.

His passion for spreading the word is higher than his passion for sports? I mean, come on. Can't you just this once lay aside your hatred for all things Florida and root for a guy who represents Christ so well? Just this once? You can do it. I know you can.

(Besides, what do you want me to do? Root for Oklahoma?! Please. I don't think so. Jesus only asks so much of us.)

Losing it

I thought it would be a cool picture if I could get their shadows on the water. And by the way, this is Texas in December...so, no...it wasn't cold. It was 78 degrees and sunny! Until the next day...but just wait! It'll be warm by Tuesday. Anyway...so here's how it went...

Me: Girls, just walk in the water a little so I can see your shadows.
Girls walk in carefully...icky moss on the rocks and cold water causes lots of protests and girly noises by Aisley which sets off this from Brennan...


Which brought about this from all...


Me: Okay, girls...that's enough...so of course...

Yeah...hair fixing time from the older two...Bren is still oblivious to things like that, but it won't be long! So, off we go...1, 2...nope...

Aisley loses it...but by now Bren (who started it all, remember?) has had enough...so though still laughing...

She's calling a halt...well until the frog jumped in...


Finally...Mean Mom comes out: Girls...for REAL! Stop it. Now.


Yes...you can see the fear in their eyes, can't you? All that just to get this...


Not sure this picture is any good, but I love the rest of them! Making memories, right girls?

Christmas Fun

The girls are enjoying these sites today...

Make-A-Flake

The Weepies

The Elves' Game Chest

Have fun!

(Yes, Mom...I will get you that list...really...and the lemon cheesecake recipe!)

Hallelujah!

IT'S HERE!!
I'm so thrilled that this morning the doorbell rang and the Fed-Ex guy dropped off a package with my gift from Mom...my ESV Study Bible! YIPPEE!

And inside is a precious second gift to me...another Bible for Wayne. It's a good mama who builds up not only her daughter, but her daughter's house. We don't take lightly all that you do to bless us, Mom. And the gift of the Word is the best you could do.

I'm so very grateful today! Thank you!

Note to self...no wedding by a pool