How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
by Stuart Townend
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
You're just not that special
One of the most disabling deceptions that Satan perpetrates over the church is being revealed in so many women around me. And I am not immune. How is it that we can be in a crowd of people committed to our Savior and still feel so alone?
In large part I'm coming to see that it is because we all believe that where we are is unique to us. No one struggles with the things we struggle with. No one would believe it if we told them the truth of who we are. No one would stand with us if they knew...I mean, really knew...who we were.
What if they knew about...
But the truth is you are not alone. Nothing you're going through is any different than what we all struggle with. I mean it. But I'm not sure I can convince you. I've learned that even if I shared every struggle I've ever had, you'd probably say that I overcame it, but you never will. Or I may have felt it a little, but I have no idea how bad it is in you. Or you'll just flat out deny it because you've never seen it in my life. Even if I share that I'm going through the very same thing you are right now, you'll have confidence that I'll get through it, but leave still knowing that you never will.
So, let me see if I can convince you from His Word that you are just not that special...that the way you are is not something new to God...that the way you're wired or what you're going through is something that He's already made provision for.
First read this with me...
Your sinfulness is not a shock to God. Frankly, you have no idea how bad you really are. It is one of His manifold graces that He doesn't reveal all that we are in one huge lump for we, like Isaiah, would be undone. What has been revealed about you isn't any different than what resides in me. When you look at another and say that no one could possibly understand your sinfulness, your shortfalls, your struggles...you deny this very truth. You are one amongst us. A sinner. Saved by grace alone.
Again...
It's just common, ordinary temptation. And it's common to all mankind. Everyone battles. Everyone has to fight. No one gets a pass. Not you. Not me. Not Paul...
Sound familiar? But are you dismissing Paul like you'd dismiss me? Don't you know that God wrote these Words so that you would find help in time of need? He didn't have to inspire Paul to write about his own personal struggles. What was written was for your sake as an example for you to persevere in the faith...to know that you are not alone. If an apostle struggled? One who'd seen Jesus face to face? Well then, you and I can be sure that it will happen to us.
So, how did Paul fight through it? Just know that it's common and keep trying harder? No, no, no. He did what Micah and Jeremiah taught him to do from the Scriptures he had learned. But now he could do it in a cross-centered way...
Believe it? It's His Word. Who's right...Him or you? You stand before the throne as a justified sinner. You are not yet what you will be. But you are not what you were. And you do not stand alone. The rest of the body stands with you at the foot of the cross having no righteousness of our own. We are all equal there both in our sin...and in the grace to withstand our sin.
It is the truth that we must walk in when we speak to one another. We need to say when declaring our own sin...I know you'll understand that I'm struggling to have the faith to believe that God can get me through this. Pray for me that I won't fall.
And if they do react in a way that makes you feel stupid, alone or far from grace? Walk away uncondemned and find another. They haven't changed the truth. And don't walk away angry with them. Have compassion. Remember to keep in mind that you are just like them as you know they are just like you. They just don't know it yet. They will fall one day. Be ready to meet them with the truth that will bring them hope.
And we need to say when someone shares with us their sin...Of course, I understand. I'm just like you. But I can see the way through it. Take my hand. I'll help you to walk. We'll get through this together in Christ.
No gasps. No shocked faces. Just a deep, deep awareness that we are them...and would be stuck in the mire with them today, if not for His grace. If you can see, help someone who's blind. And if you are blind, find someone who's been given some sight. After a while, we'll all be standing together...hand in hand...until we all attain to the unity of the faith...to mature manhood...no longer deceived by the craftiness of schemes to keep us believing that we are alone in the fight for faith.
In large part I'm coming to see that it is because we all believe that where we are is unique to us. No one struggles with the things we struggle with. No one would believe it if we told them the truth of who we are. No one would stand with us if they knew...I mean, really knew...who we were.
What if they knew about...
- the apathy that fills you each Sunday morning during worship?
- the fact that you haven't been one on one with God in a decade? Or two?
- the bitterness you still feel at the loss of a loved one?
- the unbelief that leaves you questioning what everyone else seems to grasp so easily?
- the fact that you say I'll pray for you almost every day and can't remember it five minutes after you leave them?
- the fear you have not for yourself but what God might do to your children?
- the envy that fills your heart for what God's given another?
- the marriage that feels more dead than alive?
- the fact that you've been a Christian for decades but have never...never...even tried to learn His Word?
- the deep despair you feel about yawning blackness that stays only just off to the side but threatens to pull you under every day?
- how hard you work, hoping to earn just a little favor for God...while knowing all along that it'll never be enough?
- the fact that you don't even give God a thought really as you go about your day?
But the truth is you are not alone. Nothing you're going through is any different than what we all struggle with. I mean it. But I'm not sure I can convince you. I've learned that even if I shared every struggle I've ever had, you'd probably say that I overcame it, but you never will. Or I may have felt it a little, but I have no idea how bad it is in you. Or you'll just flat out deny it because you've never seen it in my life. Even if I share that I'm going through the very same thing you are right now, you'll have confidence that I'll get through it, but leave still knowing that you never will.
So, let me see if I can convince you from His Word that you are just not that special...that the way you are is not something new to God...that the way you're wired or what you're going through is something that He's already made provision for.
First read this with me...
None is righteous,
no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside;
together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.
Romans 3:10-12
no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside;
together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.
Romans 3:10-12
Your sinfulness is not a shock to God. Frankly, you have no idea how bad you really are. It is one of His manifold graces that He doesn't reveal all that we are in one huge lump for we, like Isaiah, would be undone. What has been revealed about you isn't any different than what resides in me. When you look at another and say that no one could possibly understand your sinfulness, your shortfalls, your struggles...you deny this very truth. You are one amongst us. A sinner. Saved by grace alone.
Again...
No temptation has overtaken you
that is not common to man.
God is faithful,
and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,
but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,
that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
that is not common to man.
God is faithful,
and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability,
but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,
that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
It's just common, ordinary temptation. And it's common to all mankind. Everyone battles. Everyone has to fight. No one gets a pass. Not you. Not me. Not Paul...
For I do not understand my own actions.
For I do not do what I want,
but I do the very thing I hate.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.
For I have the desire to do what is right,
but not the ability to carry it out.
For I do not do the good I want,
but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
Romans 7:15, 18-19
For I do not do what I want,
but I do the very thing I hate.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.
For I have the desire to do what is right,
but not the ability to carry it out.
For I do not do the good I want,
but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
Romans 7:15, 18-19
Sound familiar? But are you dismissing Paul like you'd dismiss me? Don't you know that God wrote these Words so that you would find help in time of need? He didn't have to inspire Paul to write about his own personal struggles. What was written was for your sake as an example for you to persevere in the faith...to know that you are not alone. If an apostle struggled? One who'd seen Jesus face to face? Well then, you and I can be sure that it will happen to us.
So, how did Paul fight through it? Just know that it's common and keep trying harder? No, no, no. He did what Micah and Jeremiah taught him to do from the Scriptures he had learned. But now he could do it in a cross-centered way...
Wretched man that I am!
Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Romans 7:24
He knows that he is the lowest of the low. He knows that nothing good dwells within him. He knows that he will have to fight for the rest of his life to resist temptation. And he knows he'll never win on his own. What can he do? What hope does he have? His very next words reveal the secret...
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
There is therefore now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 7:25a, 8:1
Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Romans 7:24
He knows that he is the lowest of the low. He knows that nothing good dwells within him. He knows that he will have to fight for the rest of his life to resist temptation. And he knows he'll never win on his own. What can he do? What hope does he have? His very next words reveal the secret...
There is therefore now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 7:25a, 8:1
Believe it? It's His Word. Who's right...Him or you? You stand before the throne as a justified sinner. You are not yet what you will be. But you are not what you were. And you do not stand alone. The rest of the body stands with you at the foot of the cross having no righteousness of our own. We are all equal there both in our sin...and in the grace to withstand our sin.
It is the truth that we must walk in when we speak to one another. We need to say when declaring our own sin...I know you'll understand that I'm struggling to have the faith to believe that God can get me through this. Pray for me that I won't fall.
And if they do react in a way that makes you feel stupid, alone or far from grace? Walk away uncondemned and find another. They haven't changed the truth. And don't walk away angry with them. Have compassion. Remember to keep in mind that you are just like them as you know they are just like you. They just don't know it yet. They will fall one day. Be ready to meet them with the truth that will bring them hope.
And we need to say when someone shares with us their sin...Of course, I understand. I'm just like you. But I can see the way through it. Take my hand. I'll help you to walk. We'll get through this together in Christ.
No gasps. No shocked faces. Just a deep, deep awareness that we are them...and would be stuck in the mire with them today, if not for His grace. If you can see, help someone who's blind. And if you are blind, find someone who's been given some sight. After a while, we'll all be standing together...hand in hand...until we all attain to the unity of the faith...to mature manhood...no longer deceived by the craftiness of schemes to keep us believing that we are alone in the fight for faith.
Friday, February 20, 2009
When a plane goes down
Don't we all think about it? What would it be like to be involved in a crash? What would we do? What would we say to those around us? When the trial of imminent death arrives what will it reveal inside of us?
Andrew Jamison got to find out and provides a strong Christian witness for the presence and peace of Christ in that moment.
Andrew was aboard US Airways Flight 1549 that crash landed in the Hudson River. He's a member of the Christian Medical and Dental Association and did an interview with them that you can listen to at the CMDA website. He admits to the fears that came mostly after the crash with the water filling the plane. It's amazing to listen to him speak of what it was like to live through it.
They also speak very candidly about how this has been used by God to grow them both personally. They talk about assurance of salvation...the sovereignty of God...worry about loved ones traveling...trusting in God for all things...and just about the way God pulls us to exactly the place he wants us to be to know Him better.
And there's even a connection to our little town of Temple. He and his wife, Jennifer, are both 4th year medical residents at Medical University of South Carolina and are doing their matches right now in dermatology and family medicine. They mention in the early part of the interview that Temple, TX is one of the places they've traveled to before this fateful flight. Maybe they'll end up sitting beside some of us someday, worshiping together at TBC. If so, I'll be so glad to be able to tell him that I praised my God today because of his testimony!
HT: Ligon Duncan writing at Reformation 21
Andrew Jamison got to find out and provides a strong Christian witness for the presence and peace of Christ in that moment.
Andrew was aboard US Airways Flight 1549 that crash landed in the Hudson River. He's a member of the Christian Medical and Dental Association and did an interview with them that you can listen to at the CMDA website. He admits to the fears that came mostly after the crash with the water filling the plane. It's amazing to listen to him speak of what it was like to live through it.They also speak very candidly about how this has been used by God to grow them both personally. They talk about assurance of salvation...the sovereignty of God...worry about loved ones traveling...trusting in God for all things...and just about the way God pulls us to exactly the place he wants us to be to know Him better.
And there's even a connection to our little town of Temple. He and his wife, Jennifer, are both 4th year medical residents at Medical University of South Carolina and are doing their matches right now in dermatology and family medicine. They mention in the early part of the interview that Temple, TX is one of the places they've traveled to before this fateful flight. Maybe they'll end up sitting beside some of us someday, worshiping together at TBC. If so, I'll be so glad to be able to tell him that I praised my God today because of his testimony!
HT: Ligon Duncan writing at Reformation 21
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Through me
We know Jesus has remembered us through you.
The words were spoken by a pastor in Uganda in response to a team from Covenant Life Church who went to spend a couple of weeks preaching and serving the people near a church they support.
I can picture the scene. Uganda differs some from Nigeria in topography, but not much in hope, so I can see the dirt and brush surrounding this small group of people who have been waiting on Jesus. I can see their eyes shining as they pray in Jesus Name. I can feel their hands that clasp so hard to show their gratitude. I can hear the sounds of hope that sprang up throughout the villages that the building where they would be taught about Jesus would finally be built. And I can see through it all their countenances changed because Jesus had remembered them.
Those words penetrated my heart today as I think of all those around us who are longing in their hearts to know...to really know...that Jesus remembers them in their poverty, pain and suffering... in their tiredness, discouragement and grief... in their loss, disease and brokenness.
We all have those moments when the promises of God are true...but far off, it seems. We believe in His love, provision and care...but how different to know...to really know. It changes everything, doesn't it? So, how is it that we know?
Sometimes, He's so gracious just to touch out hearts...that quiet moment when our hearts settle, our minds clear and all seems steady for a moment.
Sometimes, His Word opens before us and we see...truly see...this Word that is for us, that calls to us to remember who He is, what He has done and what He has committed to do because of His Son, Jesus Christ...and our eyes clear and we see Him and so are changed one degree.
But sometimes...sometimes...seeing, we do not see...hearing, we do not hear...and in those moments all seems dark. Who has heard us? Who will help? Does Jesus remember me?
Those words are our sounding call...our trumpet blast...our call to arms...our signal to go, go, go.
In those words are the starter's gunshot to have beautiful feet. Feet which go, support, preach, teach and tell. Feet which love, heal, help and bind up. Feet which hold, hug, feed and provide.
Feet that bring the message...The Lord has heard your cry and remembered you. I come in Jesus Name. I come because He came. He remembers and He cares and He has provided for you. Remember Him. Praise Him. Hold on to Him. His mercies are new. His promises are sure. Remember Him for He has remembered you.
Do you hear it? Isn't there one near you? One who's lost someone. One who's suffering. One who's sinking under despair. One who's gasping for a moment of peace. Isn't there one?
Isn't there one far from you but whose heart you can hear beating from here? One who stands on foreign soil, but whose pain is close to you. One who is surrounded by land you've never seen, but whose troubles have pierced your life as well. One who lives as you live, loves as you love, fears as you fear, longs as you long. Isn't there one?
Make my feet beautiful, Lord. Open my ears to hear the cry, the call to go, go, go. Give me eyes to see and the confidence to believe, to expect that I will be met with what I need to meet what I find. Make me over, Lord, into the likeness of Your Son whom You sent to gather those who would go. Remember me that I might remember you so that others might know that you remember them through me. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Words for the Wind
Piper on Job, Part 2
During the first message, Piper reached the section of Job 2 after the sores covered his body...
"What's the result? His wife can't take it anymore...I have a lot of sympathy for this woman. And I think the author and Job do too because of the wording here. I mean, she's just lost her kids, alright? Ten children. And she's watched her husband who valiantly worshiped God be struck with boils. This is not easy. We're going to cut her a lot of slack, right? And if words come out of her mouth...there's this beautiful verse in chapter six that talks about 'words for the wind'. 'Will you judge a man for words that are wind?'
There are a lot of words for the wind in the midst of tragedy. Pastors need to discern what are words for the wind...and he doesn't correct them. He just let's them go off into the wind. He knows they will say better tomorrow."
Then after Job's wife says to curse God and die...
"But he (Job) said to her...now here's what he did not say: 'You are one of the foolish women.' He said: 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak.' I think that's intentional. Giving her a break. 'You're not one of them, honey! This isn't you!'"
This comment on Job's wife was one of those moments that stick for a long time. All of our group mentioned it later and told of the impact this section of the conference had on us. I will admit...I've never had much sympathy for her. I never put myself in her place. I never cut her much slack. She just went into the category of the three friends and off I'd go until Elihu speaks in chapter 32. How grateful I am for this perspective.
Piper refers to Job 6:26 (NASB)...
I can't do it anymore. I can't. I quit.
I want him gone. I'll never be able to forgive him.
There's no reason for me to even be here any more. I just want the pain to be over.
That's it. Forget it. If this is the kind of God He is...then never mind. I don't want anything to do with him.
And those are just my words. I've heard so many others from women in deep pain...one just yesterday. She can't see the way through. Why would God continue to pour grief upon grief? Nothing is working...it just seems to be getting worse and worse. And God isn't doing anything! If He loved me, wouldn't He do something? Why, Kim? Why isn't He helping me? I don't want to be here. I want this over. I'm so tired. Sobbing followed for long minutes...
Words for the wind. She knows the Lord. She's loved Him and served Him for many decades. She's just overwhelmed...and will be again. The tide did turn during our conversation. I was able to speak gentle truth to her (keeping in mind yesterday's post). I didn't berate her for her words...I just showed her His hand. Reminded her of the Cross and that Jesus is a man acquainted with grief and full of sorrows. That she has a sympathetic High Priest who is able to help her in her time of need. And held her as I said I'm sorry...over and over and over and over...
If the theology continues to be bad in six months or a year when the grief has abated a little? We'll work together to see the Lord clearly. There's time for mourning and words for the wind...there will be a time for laughing and rejoicing in our Father again. I want to be there for both.
And like the words Piper put in Job's mouth...This isn't her. This isn't who she is. She loves the Lord. She trusts Him. How do I know? She belongs to Him. I can remain completely confident not in her, but in God's ability to finish what He began. Did you know that God Himself is bringing her to completion? God Himself will sanctify her completely...her whole soul and body and spirit will be kept blameless until the Day Christ returns. It's true. He wrote it in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24. And the very last words seal it...He is faithful. He will do it.
It's my job to remain confident in His ability to bring everyone to the end...to see them not for who they are, but for who He is making them to be. To see not their grief, but their hope. Not their windy words, but their final proclamation that Jesus Christ is Lord. All I need to hear is their heart and know these words are a measure of their pain. They are not meant to make me worried, but compassionate...not angry, but seeing to the depths of their suffering and believing for them that He who began this good work is faithful to complete it until He comes again.
Like the friends who lowered their friend on the mat...sometimes in the midst of suffering, it is our faith that makes them well...if I can get out of the way enough...and bring out Jesus enough...and wait with them until the healing of the Lord comes...and let their words go to the wind.
During the first message, Piper reached the section of Job 2 after the sores covered his body...
"What's the result? His wife can't take it anymore...I have a lot of sympathy for this woman. And I think the author and Job do too because of the wording here. I mean, she's just lost her kids, alright? Ten children. And she's watched her husband who valiantly worshiped God be struck with boils. This is not easy. We're going to cut her a lot of slack, right? And if words come out of her mouth...there's this beautiful verse in chapter six that talks about 'words for the wind'. 'Will you judge a man for words that are wind?'
There are a lot of words for the wind in the midst of tragedy. Pastors need to discern what are words for the wind...and he doesn't correct them. He just let's them go off into the wind. He knows they will say better tomorrow."
Then after Job's wife says to curse God and die...
"But he (Job) said to her...now here's what he did not say: 'You are one of the foolish women.' He said: 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak.' I think that's intentional. Giving her a break. 'You're not one of them, honey! This isn't you!'"
This comment on Job's wife was one of those moments that stick for a long time. All of our group mentioned it later and told of the impact this section of the conference had on us. I will admit...I've never had much sympathy for her. I never put myself in her place. I never cut her much slack. She just went into the category of the three friends and off I'd go until Elihu speaks in chapter 32. How grateful I am for this perspective.
Piper refers to Job 6:26 (NASB)...
Do you intend to reprove my words,
When the words of one in despair belong to the wind?
In the heat of the moment...when the impact of the suffering is still raging...when the news has just hit...when the pressure is still on...we all speak "words that are for the wind". Words that reflect our panic, our pain, our grief, our worry, our discouragement, our anger...but do not reflect our hope. Like Peter our eyes see the storm and not the Lord in the storm with us. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I quit.
I want him gone. I'll never be able to forgive him.
There's no reason for me to even be here any more. I just want the pain to be over.
That's it. Forget it. If this is the kind of God He is...then never mind. I don't want anything to do with him.
And those are just my words. I've heard so many others from women in deep pain...one just yesterday. She can't see the way through. Why would God continue to pour grief upon grief? Nothing is working...it just seems to be getting worse and worse. And God isn't doing anything! If He loved me, wouldn't He do something? Why, Kim? Why isn't He helping me? I don't want to be here. I want this over. I'm so tired. Sobbing followed for long minutes...
Words for the wind. She knows the Lord. She's loved Him and served Him for many decades. She's just overwhelmed...and will be again. The tide did turn during our conversation. I was able to speak gentle truth to her (keeping in mind yesterday's post). I didn't berate her for her words...I just showed her His hand. Reminded her of the Cross and that Jesus is a man acquainted with grief and full of sorrows. That she has a sympathetic High Priest who is able to help her in her time of need. And held her as I said I'm sorry...over and over and over and over...
If the theology continues to be bad in six months or a year when the grief has abated a little? We'll work together to see the Lord clearly. There's time for mourning and words for the wind...there will be a time for laughing and rejoicing in our Father again. I want to be there for both.
And like the words Piper put in Job's mouth...This isn't her. This isn't who she is. She loves the Lord. She trusts Him. How do I know? She belongs to Him. I can remain completely confident not in her, but in God's ability to finish what He began. Did you know that God Himself is bringing her to completion? God Himself will sanctify her completely...her whole soul and body and spirit will be kept blameless until the Day Christ returns. It's true. He wrote it in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24. And the very last words seal it...He is faithful. He will do it.
It's my job to remain confident in His ability to bring everyone to the end...to see them not for who they are, but for who He is making them to be. To see not their grief, but their hope. Not their windy words, but their final proclamation that Jesus Christ is Lord. All I need to hear is their heart and know these words are a measure of their pain. They are not meant to make me worried, but compassionate...not angry, but seeing to the depths of their suffering and believing for them that He who began this good work is faithful to complete it until He comes again.
Like the friends who lowered their friend on the mat...sometimes in the midst of suffering, it is our faith that makes them well...if I can get out of the way enough...and bring out Jesus enough...and wait with them until the healing of the Lord comes...and let their words go to the wind.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Good theology...hurt people
Piper on Job, Part 1
So, you know now that we attended Desiring God's Regional Conference on Job. I'm going to spend the next several posts thinking through some of the content most meaningful to me. I'll start with a quote or thought and move from there.
On Job's friends..."They got it so right theologically...mostly...and so wrong practically."
"True theology can hurt people very badly."
"True theological statements can cause harm and become false in their application and destructive in the mouths of fools."
It's always been so easy for me to dismiss those three friends in Job. All they did was pick a theme (What have you done wrong, Job?) and beat it into the ground. Now I see that I am them. Piper pointed out that they mostly got it right. You can find Scripture after Scripture that says exactly what they say. Righteous people are blessed...wicked are punished. Rahab at Jericho. Daniel. David over Saul. (And to cut them some slack, they didn't have ANY of the Scriptures. Imagine how much we'd get wrong without this Word that we take for granted so easily.)
It is not enough to know truth. We must also pray for the wisdom to use it rightly. Proverbs 25:11 says A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. It's not the word. It's when and how it's spoken.
And you'd think I'd get this because I can remember the sermons that led to us leaving the church. We had moved when I was going into the sixth grade to a small west Texas town where we weren't known. We had begun attending a small church outside of town. There were probably 10 kids in the entire youth program. Then change again...after years of strife and unfaithfulness, Dad was leaving and they were getting divorced. As I was in Jr. High, this wasn't a shock to me nor even unwelcome. Back then there were very few divorces and you could only get one for a few reasons. When it happened, it was shocking. I can name only a few friends whose parents were divorced and can distinctly remember that the reaction was like a death in the family. We were all shocked, saddened...didn't know what to say to them. Then it was our turn. It caused a huge turmoil in our family. We tried to keep living life...school, activities, church, youth stuff.
Then came that Sunday...small Texas towns post updates on the town each week. Who got a speeding ticket in town...who got arrested last night...who applied for a marriage license...who reported stolen property...and who was getting divorced. I think I remember Mom telling us that it came out, that now everyone knew. When we walked across the parking lot, I just remember feeling uncomfortable, butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what it meant that everyone knew. At first it didn't seem any different. I went to class then on to service. Just like always. Until the sermon started. You guessed it...divorce...the damage it does...the sin that it is...repent, repent, repent.
Then came the visit from some of the men in the church. Men who had never been in our home before. Men who had no idea what life was like for us. The message was the same. Repent. I remember the tears of hurt and anger from Mom. I remember the feelings of rage in me. I think I probably went back for a few more times, youth stuff mostly. But that was the last time that I felt like I had a church home. I didn't attend a church again on a regular basis until Cassie was about 18 months old...10 years later. And when I did, I was wary.
I get it now. They weren't trying to harm us. They had the truth...divorce is wrong...it is not what God intended for what He joined together. I stand with them in that theology...but they, like Job's friends, had the right thoughts with the wrong heart. And I know I've followed after them more than once.
God told us to weep with those who weep...to comfort those who are afflicted with the very comfort you yourself have received. When Jesus saw people who were suffering, He didn't just preach a sermon. He had compassion and stayed until it was late to relieve it. And when He came to friends who were grieving, He only asked them to remember who He was while He wept with them because He was moved by their tears.
There is a time for truth and we must be ready with it. God can stand up to the hard questions we have. He is more than sufficient for our every fear and our every challenge. And we must be also. There are large truths that will steady us in the storms of life and have soothed my heart as I've come through suffering. But the delivery of those truths matters as much as the truths themselves. For in speaking for God with the truth of God, we must take care to represent Him not only in word, but in countenance...not only in deed, but in emotion. Then people near us can taste and see that He is good...and ready to meet them as a refuge in their pain.
So, you know now that we attended Desiring God's Regional Conference on Job. I'm going to spend the next several posts thinking through some of the content most meaningful to me. I'll start with a quote or thought and move from there.
On Job's friends..."They got it so right theologically...mostly...and so wrong practically."
"True theology can hurt people very badly."
"True theological statements can cause harm and become false in their application and destructive in the mouths of fools."
It's always been so easy for me to dismiss those three friends in Job. All they did was pick a theme (What have you done wrong, Job?) and beat it into the ground. Now I see that I am them. Piper pointed out that they mostly got it right. You can find Scripture after Scripture that says exactly what they say. Righteous people are blessed...wicked are punished. Rahab at Jericho. Daniel. David over Saul. (And to cut them some slack, they didn't have ANY of the Scriptures. Imagine how much we'd get wrong without this Word that we take for granted so easily.)
It is not enough to know truth. We must also pray for the wisdom to use it rightly. Proverbs 25:11 says A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. It's not the word. It's when and how it's spoken.
And you'd think I'd get this because I can remember the sermons that led to us leaving the church. We had moved when I was going into the sixth grade to a small west Texas town where we weren't known. We had begun attending a small church outside of town. There were probably 10 kids in the entire youth program. Then change again...after years of strife and unfaithfulness, Dad was leaving and they were getting divorced. As I was in Jr. High, this wasn't a shock to me nor even unwelcome. Back then there were very few divorces and you could only get one for a few reasons. When it happened, it was shocking. I can name only a few friends whose parents were divorced and can distinctly remember that the reaction was like a death in the family. We were all shocked, saddened...didn't know what to say to them. Then it was our turn. It caused a huge turmoil in our family. We tried to keep living life...school, activities, church, youth stuff.
Then came that Sunday...small Texas towns post updates on the town each week. Who got a speeding ticket in town...who got arrested last night...who applied for a marriage license...who reported stolen property...and who was getting divorced. I think I remember Mom telling us that it came out, that now everyone knew. When we walked across the parking lot, I just remember feeling uncomfortable, butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what it meant that everyone knew. At first it didn't seem any different. I went to class then on to service. Just like always. Until the sermon started. You guessed it...divorce...the damage it does...the sin that it is...repent, repent, repent.
Then came the visit from some of the men in the church. Men who had never been in our home before. Men who had no idea what life was like for us. The message was the same. Repent. I remember the tears of hurt and anger from Mom. I remember the feelings of rage in me. I think I probably went back for a few more times, youth stuff mostly. But that was the last time that I felt like I had a church home. I didn't attend a church again on a regular basis until Cassie was about 18 months old...10 years later. And when I did, I was wary.
I get it now. They weren't trying to harm us. They had the truth...divorce is wrong...it is not what God intended for what He joined together. I stand with them in that theology...but they, like Job's friends, had the right thoughts with the wrong heart. And I know I've followed after them more than once.
God told us to weep with those who weep...to comfort those who are afflicted with the very comfort you yourself have received. When Jesus saw people who were suffering, He didn't just preach a sermon. He had compassion and stayed until it was late to relieve it. And when He came to friends who were grieving, He only asked them to remember who He was while He wept with them because He was moved by their tears.
There is a time for truth and we must be ready with it. God can stand up to the hard questions we have. He is more than sufficient for our every fear and our every challenge. And we must be also. There are large truths that will steady us in the storms of life and have soothed my heart as I've come through suffering. But the delivery of those truths matters as much as the truths themselves. For in speaking for God with the truth of God, we must take care to represent Him not only in word, but in countenance...not only in deed, but in emotion. Then people near us can taste and see that He is good...and ready to meet them as a refuge in their pain.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Piper's in TX
I was so blessed last night and helped throughout Dr. Piper's first talk on Job. And as they are amazing at this tech stuff you can read a transcript or listen to it here. I'll post more fully this afternoon, but here's some highlights from me as I sit and ponder without my notes:
When talking about Job's friends...good theology can really hurt people.
When thinking about God turning to Satan to say, "Have you considered my servant Job?"...Piper likened it to a thief entering a jewelry store and running into the owner. Instead of kicking him out, he turns to him and says, "Have you seen the biggest, most precious diamond I have? It's right out front, but it's locked. Here's the key."
Shortly after that...my paraphrase...God is not a bumbler. He doesn't say "Oops. Didn't mean to say that. And I sure didn't mean for that to happen."
On a side note, Piper talked about the compassion that he has for Job's wife. She had just lost 10 children...her husband that could do no wrong is covered with sores...all around her would be whispering the things that Job's friends would soon say (What have you done wrong, Job? God doesn't let things like this happen to good people.), but she knows that Job's not done anything wrong. He pointed out that he thinks Job's had a great deal of compassion for her too because he doesn't say that she was a foolish woman, but that she sounded like one.
Fun moment...Piper talks about the sores that are covering Job's body. They are described in the book as oozing, grimy with dirt...and filled with worms. Piper then said, "You don't know this kind of suffering." I turn to my dear sister who is with me and we smile. Oh, yes, she does. She and her infant daughter were covered with them! You have to wait weeks to wait until they are fully grown before you can get them out. You sit, feeling them wriggle inside you...eeek.
Later in chapter 6 he pointed out that Job says that there are words which are for the wind...words which are said in the heat of the moment of suffering which we as those trying to help don't need to correct. Let them just go to the wind. When they have been restored a little, they will know the difference. Job's wife's words are an example of these. Just comfort during this time.
Time to go to the conference again! Love Piper Day!
When talking about Job's friends...good theology can really hurt people.
When thinking about God turning to Satan to say, "Have you considered my servant Job?"...Piper likened it to a thief entering a jewelry store and running into the owner. Instead of kicking him out, he turns to him and says, "Have you seen the biggest, most precious diamond I have? It's right out front, but it's locked. Here's the key."
Shortly after that...my paraphrase...God is not a bumbler. He doesn't say "Oops. Didn't mean to say that. And I sure didn't mean for that to happen."
On a side note, Piper talked about the compassion that he has for Job's wife. She had just lost 10 children...her husband that could do no wrong is covered with sores...all around her would be whispering the things that Job's friends would soon say (What have you done wrong, Job? God doesn't let things like this happen to good people.), but she knows that Job's not done anything wrong. He pointed out that he thinks Job's had a great deal of compassion for her too because he doesn't say that she was a foolish woman, but that she sounded like one.
Fun moment...Piper talks about the sores that are covering Job's body. They are described in the book as oozing, grimy with dirt...and filled with worms. Piper then said, "You don't know this kind of suffering." I turn to my dear sister who is with me and we smile. Oh, yes, she does. She and her infant daughter were covered with them! You have to wait weeks to wait until they are fully grown before you can get them out. You sit, feeling them wriggle inside you...eeek.
Later in chapter 6 he pointed out that Job says that there are words which are for the wind...words which are said in the heat of the moment of suffering which we as those trying to help don't need to correct. Let them just go to the wind. When they have been restored a little, they will know the difference. Job's wife's words are an example of these. Just comfort during this time.
Time to go to the conference again! Love Piper Day!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Another good gift from our Father
(Part 1 & Part 2)
Part 3 - How we finally got out of it...
It's been a while since I wrote part 2 of this tale so you may want to back up a little to understand what's coming...but, yep. You read it right. 5 years to sell our house back in Marlin. Quite a different ending from the quick 6 weeks that it took us to get out of debt from Cassie's car! So, if the title of these postings has been about another good gift from the Father, what's the gift? The house in Temple? The provision of all the money we needed over the years just to pay bills? Well, those were amazing gifts. We are grateful. But that's not the gift I'm talking about. In this case, the gift was the 5 years it took to sell it. He couldn't have chosen a more perfect gift for our family.
When we began that school year, we waited a few months for it to sell. We really didn't have much of a choice. You've already heard about how our football season goes around here. Wayne had no time to help get the house ready to rent. I knew nothing about it. So, we just sat on it, paying two mortgages. Though the payments were a lot for our single income family, they weren't causing us not to eat. We just did without a lot of the extras that we were growing to like. We prayed together every night for it to sell. Night after night. But the season came to a close with no offer and we went ahead and put out the word that we could rent...only month to month while we waited for it to sell. We heard from someone right away. We priced it just to cover mortgage and insurance and got a young woman who was coming in to teach at the Christmas break. Perfect. And it was...for about a year and a half. Then she moved.
Tried again for a while and didn't hear much. Football was rolling around for the third time and I was starting to get worried. Finally we ended up getting a young, single mother who happened to be one of Wayne's former students. Didn't have the deposit, but could pay it out. Whew. Money in the bank. Felt good not to think about it. Life sailed on for a few months like that. She was late a few times but always came through. We continued to put aside a couple of months rent and had some extra from summer school money. We continued to work on getting completely free of debt ourselves. Then the call from her. She couldn't pay rent because of other bills. Could she pay us back in a few months and just make next month's payment? We talked it over, knew her situation with her young son and said sure. Then it happened again in about 3 months. Sure, not a problem. Then two months in a row. By this time she owed us about $2500 dollars with more to come in just a few days. She was open about it, never ducked the calls. What do we do? By this time she'd been in over a year. We'd never even received the deposit. We told her we'd need to talk about it.
The Lord gave us that time to talk in the form of a gift from an older couple in our church, the Winburne's. Nancy and Leroy had a guest house that was actually more like a large suite of rooms attached to their home in the tiny town of Little River. Their's was a modest home, nothing fancy. But they loved to host people and every now and then would ask a young couple if they'd like to use their guest quarters to have a night away from the kids. Just to be together was such a treat for Wayne and I, so we loaded up the kids to a friend's house and off we went, all of 10 miles down the road for the first overnight we'd had from the kids in their lifetimes!! (I'm not kidding. We'd never been away from them.)
We ate dinner with them, beautifully prepared and graciously served. We sat outside on their back porch and marveled at the silence that we missed so much from our growing up years. We talked about everything from the girls to his job to ministry to our marriage to our goals...finally getting around to talking about our finances and the rent house. We sat in amazement that the Lord had done so much for us in that time. We'd never gone without...not only the basics had been provided, but extras abounded. The girls had gifts at Christmas and birthdays and even a meal or two out a month. And all that with two mortgages. We couldn't have imagined it 5 years before. We were debt free now except for the houses and more resolved than ever not to charge our lives away again. We talked about the young woman in our home and how much we sympathized with her, but was it wise just to fund her life? Should we hold her accountable for what she owed us? We saw from time to time what she had in the home and worried that she was just taking advantage of us. We knew there was also a boyfriend living with her recently. Couldn't he contribute and was that okay with us given what we believe? What to do? We prayed together that night and put it aside for the evening.
The answer hit us as we were driving home. We were talking about Nancy and Leroy. How much it meant to us that they opened up their home to us. How they had opened up more than that to us since we'd known them. They felt like grandparents to us. We loved them so much. Then the question came up...what if it were Nancy and Leroy in that house in Marlin? What would we do then? Answer was quick in coming. We'd tell them not to worry about the money. They were welcome in our home. It would be a privilege to pay their rent. We'd do anything we could to love on them. They could have our car, our possessions, our money...they're our family.
Just that quick the Scriptures opened up before our eyes...
Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' Matthew 25:34-40
The least of these...not the greatest of these...not the ones you love the most...not those who have the most and are giving it out to you. Whatever we do for the least, we do it for Christ.
I'll admit it. We rationalized for a while. I think it says what we do to other believers, doesn't it? I don't think they're Christians. And should we enable them to continue to get away with being irresponsible when we felt like she could pay for at least part of it? But it pounded home finally. If Christ needed a home, we'd give Him the best. If Nancy and Leroy needed us, we'd give whatever we could and take out a loan for the rest. Then that's what we do for her. So, Wayne called that next night and talked to her. Told her that she didn't have to worry about moving. She could pay us what she could, when she could. He told her that we were doing it for Jesus because if He were here that's what He'd do. We told her of our hope outside of money and houses and that we would be glad to help with anything else if she needed it. Just let us know.
She paid us from time to time. Sometimes for a few months in a row until the next fall when she got hurt on the job. No AFLAC duck to come in and pay the bills. No problem. Just work on getting well and take care of your little boy. That lasted until Christmas when she called to say she was moving; she'd found another job in another town. She hoped she could work on paying us back. Oh, no. Wayne told her. You owe us nothing. It was our pleasure. Really. Just remember that Jesus is the one who told us to do it for you. Think about Him for us.
It never rented again. We just kept it up for the next year, wondering what He was doing. Then one day Wayne called me out of the blue. A realtor in town wanted to know if we still wanted to sell our house. Sure! We never really thought that it would go through until all the papers were signed. And what did we make on it after all that time? Funny. We had to bring a check with us to get out of it. Fitting end to the story, we thought. As we drove away from Marlin, Wayne and I couldn't believe that it might be the last time we come there. We arrived in that town so very different than the ones who left. The Lord had been so gracious to give us, not money, but life...to bless us not with a profit, but with a openhandedness to money and possessions that changed the way we thought about everything we bought...to grant us hearts that were a little closer to His...to grant us a freedom from our possessions that has lasted to this day.
So, I understand how simple it seems that we were rejoicing over the provision of Cassie's car...but I also want you to know that it's been a hard fought battle for our heart by His Spirit to get us to the place where we would wait on His provision...not go into high debt...not seek after the newest and best and have it now...and to be ready and willing to give it up tomorrow if He calls us to it. He has brought it home to us that we own nothing. He owns it all...and the cattle on a thousand hills. He'll give us what He gives us...and withhold what He withholds. He is right to do both and deserves the same praise from us because He is our treasure. The rest is just pretty firewood.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Another good gift from our Father
Part 2 - How we began to crawl out only to dig a deeper pit...
So, you've heard my whining story of our first house purchase. At the time, it seemed like a gift from God. And so it was, but not in the way we usually think of gifts. If Cassie's car works great, runs for 10 more years and gets great gas mileage with few repairs, it'll be a great gift. If it breaks down repeatedly in the next year, costing us thousands more, I doubt we'd look back on its coming to us as a blessing. We're more likely to think that it was a trial sent to test our patience and endurance! Gifts are blessings depending on how they serve us, right? Well, that's the end of the story, but here's the middle...
We were only in this small town about three years when God opened up a job in Temple just about 45 minutes away. That's the same town where we attended church, small groups and Bible studies. Needless to say, we longed to be there and not spend hours on the road...though TBC was definitely worth the drive for us. Thanks to some amazing people there who built into our lives and to the amazing power of God's grace to such sinners, we were so different than when we arrived. We went from trying to find our Bibles each Sunday to reading them, studying them, even teaching from them. We went from being so far in debt that we couldn't make it month to month, much less try to give what we owed our Father through our tithes...to having only a student loan and house payment and finally learning what it meant in Malachi 3:7-10 to return the whole tithe into His storehouse. We moved from being consumers of church to servers, givers. We saw our oldest put her faith in Christ alone for her salvation. It was a good few years. What had started as my worst nightmare became a place of great blessing.
But a few things hadn't changed...like how stupid Wayne and I could be when it came to grabbing after what we want whatever the cost. But God had plans for that as well. (And this time we're praying it sticks!) So, the job comes open in Temple. Wayne applies, gets an interview and learns that the head coach and his family are planning to attend TBC. Instant connection. The job also couldn't have been more perfect...9th grade football (much fewer hours than a varsity job) and head track coach which is Wayne's first love. (He was an all-American hammer thrower in college...yes, I'm bragging...) We tell a few friends about it...all pray together about the job, really feel like it's what we're supposed to do. And what do you know?? He gets it! Yipee!
First things first...put the house in Marlin on the market. Start packing boxes for the day it sells...surely that won't take long. There's still nothing else to buy or even to rent. Someone will need a nice, brick, three bedroom home. We price it low for a quick sell. Won't even make money off of it. Make plans for the next house by looking online, driving around Temple on Sunday afternoons, considering friends' neighborhoods. A month goes by...then another...then another...it's summer. Wayne starts football in just a few weeks. I'm out of town when Wayne says that he thinks he's found one we should make an offer on. Well within our price range. We actually have a down payment this time and won't even need it as the seller is very anxious to get out from under it. It's lower by far from what we qualified for. What a difference a few years make. So we put a contingency on it and waited...and waited. Nothing. Not one looker for our present home. Now what?
Well, having learned such a good lesson from the years past and having seen so much freedom from being in debt, we of course decided to buy it anyway. That's right. Two mortgages. After all, how long could it be before we finally get an offer? We can make the two payments for a few months. We move in late July, a few days before coaching school. Friends help us move. Wayne starts football...learns the job is actually a varsity position job as well as head freshman so the hours go up. But that's okay! We're in Temple. Friends everywhere. Good paycheck. And that house will sell, right? Right?
Sure did. 5 YEARS later...and telling about that journey will take another post...
So, you've heard my whining story of our first house purchase. At the time, it seemed like a gift from God. And so it was, but not in the way we usually think of gifts. If Cassie's car works great, runs for 10 more years and gets great gas mileage with few repairs, it'll be a great gift. If it breaks down repeatedly in the next year, costing us thousands more, I doubt we'd look back on its coming to us as a blessing. We're more likely to think that it was a trial sent to test our patience and endurance! Gifts are blessings depending on how they serve us, right? Well, that's the end of the story, but here's the middle...
We were only in this small town about three years when God opened up a job in Temple just about 45 minutes away. That's the same town where we attended church, small groups and Bible studies. Needless to say, we longed to be there and not spend hours on the road...though TBC was definitely worth the drive for us. Thanks to some amazing people there who built into our lives and to the amazing power of God's grace to such sinners, we were so different than when we arrived. We went from trying to find our Bibles each Sunday to reading them, studying them, even teaching from them. We went from being so far in debt that we couldn't make it month to month, much less try to give what we owed our Father through our tithes...to having only a student loan and house payment and finally learning what it meant in Malachi 3:7-10 to return the whole tithe into His storehouse. We moved from being consumers of church to servers, givers. We saw our oldest put her faith in Christ alone for her salvation. It was a good few years. What had started as my worst nightmare became a place of great blessing.
But a few things hadn't changed...like how stupid Wayne and I could be when it came to grabbing after what we want whatever the cost. But God had plans for that as well. (And this time we're praying it sticks!) So, the job comes open in Temple. Wayne applies, gets an interview and learns that the head coach and his family are planning to attend TBC. Instant connection. The job also couldn't have been more perfect...9th grade football (much fewer hours than a varsity job) and head track coach which is Wayne's first love. (He was an all-American hammer thrower in college...yes, I'm bragging...) We tell a few friends about it...all pray together about the job, really feel like it's what we're supposed to do. And what do you know?? He gets it! Yipee!
First things first...put the house in Marlin on the market. Start packing boxes for the day it sells...surely that won't take long. There's still nothing else to buy or even to rent. Someone will need a nice, brick, three bedroom home. We price it low for a quick sell. Won't even make money off of it. Make plans for the next house by looking online, driving around Temple on Sunday afternoons, considering friends' neighborhoods. A month goes by...then another...then another...it's summer. Wayne starts football in just a few weeks. I'm out of town when Wayne says that he thinks he's found one we should make an offer on. Well within our price range. We actually have a down payment this time and won't even need it as the seller is very anxious to get out from under it. It's lower by far from what we qualified for. What a difference a few years make. So we put a contingency on it and waited...and waited. Nothing. Not one looker for our present home. Now what?
Well, having learned such a good lesson from the years past and having seen so much freedom from being in debt, we of course decided to buy it anyway. That's right. Two mortgages. After all, how long could it be before we finally get an offer? We can make the two payments for a few months. We move in late July, a few days before coaching school. Friends help us move. Wayne starts football...learns the job is actually a varsity position job as well as head freshman so the hours go up. But that's okay! We're in Temple. Friends everywhere. Good paycheck. And that house will sell, right? Right?
Sure did. 5 YEARS later...and telling about that journey will take another post...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Another good gift from our Father
Part 1 - How we got into that mess in the first place...
I wrote in a previous post about our praise for Cassie's new car. It was meant with all my heart, but can seem a little bit obvious. You got a car, paid for mostly by others, and you're praising God? Well, guess what? He gives me a car and I'll praise Him, too. Yeah. Not a stretch, I know. So I thought it might be helpful to some of you for me to tell you about another kind of gift the Lord gave us also from a purchase...this time it was a house. It'll take a bit of telling, so settle back.
It all started with being fired right after we found out that we were going to have our third child. From the highest of highs to WHAT? I probably just sat stunned for days. It was out of the blue to us. Plus I was so overwhelmed by that point at the thought of another baby when Aisley wasn't even crawling yet that I couldn't see how to make the bed much less move a family. Add to that, these were some of our first true friends that stick with you a lifetime. We would be leaving Cassie's first best friend. Our first real church home. I couldn't managed to process it...so, I checked out on the search for our new job. Wayne could handle it...I hoped. After 8 months of nothing...not one interview...I was pretty panicked. But sure enough, literally while in labor in the hospital, Wayne gets a call to go on an interview in central Texas. Manna from heaven.
He returns to tell me about this great little town. Quaint houses. Quiet streets. People walking through town. Seems like just the thing. Only problem? Not a single place to live. Truly...not even to rent. But just when I'm beginning to think that Wayne's going to leave us and go work 3 hours south, we hear of a place. We'll take it! I screamed. Whatever it is. Who cares? So with three days before we needed to arrive for him to start and five weeks after Brennan's birth, we're off. Only to arrive with me asking him a ton of questions, like what part of town he'd seen during the interview because I wasn't seeing what he was. Come to find out it was at the time the poorest town in one of the poorest counties in Texas. Quaint houses? Oh, you mean houses which haven't been updated in 60 years. Quiet streets? Well, yeah, because no one lives here! People walking the streets? Of course they are! This town had the highest unemployment rate in the state one year. And this is a BIG state. People weren't just walking the streets...they were living there!
Okay, enough of that. Onto better complaints...We moved into a rent house that had more problems than I'd ever seen. Dirty. No clean water. Holes in the floor. Rats and cockroaches everywhere. No air conditioning in the August, Texas heat. Add to that Cassie went from one of the best school districts in the state to one of the lowest performing. (The teacher told me a few days in that she was having Cassie tutor the kids in the hallway one-on-one. She was 6!!) Wayne's gone from 6am to 11pm. I'm at home with a 6 yr old, a 20 month old and a 6 week old. We knew no one. Not one soul showed up to help or to welcome us. I was miserable, depressed, angry, bitter...if it was negative, I was feeling it.
I'll warn you...I'm trying to sucker you into my mindset. Get you to see it from my world, cause then maybe what I tell you next won't seem as unlikely, or as stupid, as it really is. Because it was then that I told Wayne that we had to get out of that house. Now. NOW. Ever felt that way? You can't take one more day of whatever it is. I remember I was crying, shaking even when I said it. So Wayne made some calls and sure enough, through the grapevine, we heard of a house that was being rented right now. Maybe they'd be willing to sell it. The answer was YES! with a few conditions. They were non-negotiable on the price. Whatever, I said. I was in no position to bargain.
Thus began the following stupidity...we couldn't get a loan for their asking price due to all the debt we carried. Considering we had 13 small loans and credit cards, a car loan and school loans at this time, that wasn't surprising. We also had no down payment. But what I did have was a finance degree from a university which taught me all sorts of creative ways to finance your life. (Ask me sometime how I managed to get to England using a Dillards card. Yes. I'm serious.) So, we arranged with the owners to take out another small loan from them to get to their asking price...arranged with the mortgage company to extend us the sum they would...and charged the down payment on the house to a credit card. Yep. You heard me right. We charged a house. (And no, you're not supposed to be able to do it. And no, I won't teach you how.)
So, over the course of the next few weeks we slowly moved...one night at a time, hauling stuff over in the back of the car or a coach's truck after Wayne would come home from football. But I was happy. The girls had a home we could live in. They could actually get down onto the floor without concern they'd fall through it! I settled in and settled down. We got Cassie rolling in her second school (first one burned down a few weeks after we arrived...again, another story...) and even made friends with the people we bought the house from. Things were looking up. We found TBC, got started with a small group of wonderful families, started working on the debt problem and the bigger problem in our hearts towards money.
The Lord so convicted us at this time in so many different ways. We knew that we had been stupid in getting this house. But as He often does, He blessed us despite ourselves and brought us to a good place in our home, in our marriage, with our children and with our money. We prospered there. So, now you're thinking...Wait. They even sin and He blesses them. What's up with that? Well, it's right about here that the story takes the turn. But since you've been reading for a while, I'll finish that thought tomorrow.
I wrote in a previous post about our praise for Cassie's new car. It was meant with all my heart, but can seem a little bit obvious. You got a car, paid for mostly by others, and you're praising God? Well, guess what? He gives me a car and I'll praise Him, too. Yeah. Not a stretch, I know. So I thought it might be helpful to some of you for me to tell you about another kind of gift the Lord gave us also from a purchase...this time it was a house. It'll take a bit of telling, so settle back.
It all started with being fired right after we found out that we were going to have our third child. From the highest of highs to WHAT? I probably just sat stunned for days. It was out of the blue to us. Plus I was so overwhelmed by that point at the thought of another baby when Aisley wasn't even crawling yet that I couldn't see how to make the bed much less move a family. Add to that, these were some of our first true friends that stick with you a lifetime. We would be leaving Cassie's first best friend. Our first real church home. I couldn't managed to process it...so, I checked out on the search for our new job. Wayne could handle it...I hoped. After 8 months of nothing...not one interview...I was pretty panicked. But sure enough, literally while in labor in the hospital, Wayne gets a call to go on an interview in central Texas. Manna from heaven.
He returns to tell me about this great little town. Quaint houses. Quiet streets. People walking through town. Seems like just the thing. Only problem? Not a single place to live. Truly...not even to rent. But just when I'm beginning to think that Wayne's going to leave us and go work 3 hours south, we hear of a place. We'll take it! I screamed. Whatever it is. Who cares? So with three days before we needed to arrive for him to start and five weeks after Brennan's birth, we're off. Only to arrive with me asking him a ton of questions, like what part of town he'd seen during the interview because I wasn't seeing what he was. Come to find out it was at the time the poorest town in one of the poorest counties in Texas. Quaint houses? Oh, you mean houses which haven't been updated in 60 years. Quiet streets? Well, yeah, because no one lives here! People walking the streets? Of course they are! This town had the highest unemployment rate in the state one year. And this is a BIG state. People weren't just walking the streets...they were living there!
Okay, enough of that. Onto better complaints...We moved into a rent house that had more problems than I'd ever seen. Dirty. No clean water. Holes in the floor. Rats and cockroaches everywhere. No air conditioning in the August, Texas heat. Add to that Cassie went from one of the best school districts in the state to one of the lowest performing. (The teacher told me a few days in that she was having Cassie tutor the kids in the hallway one-on-one. She was 6!!) Wayne's gone from 6am to 11pm. I'm at home with a 6 yr old, a 20 month old and a 6 week old. We knew no one. Not one soul showed up to help or to welcome us. I was miserable, depressed, angry, bitter...if it was negative, I was feeling it.
I'll warn you...I'm trying to sucker you into my mindset. Get you to see it from my world, cause then maybe what I tell you next won't seem as unlikely, or as stupid, as it really is. Because it was then that I told Wayne that we had to get out of that house. Now. NOW. Ever felt that way? You can't take one more day of whatever it is. I remember I was crying, shaking even when I said it. So Wayne made some calls and sure enough, through the grapevine, we heard of a house that was being rented right now. Maybe they'd be willing to sell it. The answer was YES! with a few conditions. They were non-negotiable on the price. Whatever, I said. I was in no position to bargain.
Thus began the following stupidity...we couldn't get a loan for their asking price due to all the debt we carried. Considering we had 13 small loans and credit cards, a car loan and school loans at this time, that wasn't surprising. We also had no down payment. But what I did have was a finance degree from a university which taught me all sorts of creative ways to finance your life. (Ask me sometime how I managed to get to England using a Dillards card. Yes. I'm serious.) So, we arranged with the owners to take out another small loan from them to get to their asking price...arranged with the mortgage company to extend us the sum they would...and charged the down payment on the house to a credit card. Yep. You heard me right. We charged a house. (And no, you're not supposed to be able to do it. And no, I won't teach you how.)
So, over the course of the next few weeks we slowly moved...one night at a time, hauling stuff over in the back of the car or a coach's truck after Wayne would come home from football. But I was happy. The girls had a home we could live in. They could actually get down onto the floor without concern they'd fall through it! I settled in and settled down. We got Cassie rolling in her second school (first one burned down a few weeks after we arrived...again, another story...) and even made friends with the people we bought the house from. Things were looking up. We found TBC, got started with a small group of wonderful families, started working on the debt problem and the bigger problem in our hearts towards money.
The Lord so convicted us at this time in so many different ways. We knew that we had been stupid in getting this house. But as He often does, He blessed us despite ourselves and brought us to a good place in our home, in our marriage, with our children and with our money. We prospered there. So, now you're thinking...Wait. They even sin and He blesses them. What's up with that? Well, it's right about here that the story takes the turn. But since you've been reading for a while, I'll finish that thought tomorrow.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Lessons from Mary
I mentioned in a posting from July that two friends had died while I was up in Lake Burton. Mary Bowles was one of them. She was a lady that I knew only by name and sight until about a year and a half ago. Then she came to one of the Bible studies I led. She had just turned 80 at the time...had lived over 70 years knowing Christ! She was forthright, opinionated, a little stubborn...which was easy for me to recognize since I see it in the mirror every day. She was also steadfast in proclaiming His grace to others...she was generous, social, active, outreaching to everyone (except toddlers...I'm not sure why she never could relate to them!).
Not knowing her well, I wondered what she'd think of someone half her age teaching her. I was delighted with her response. She talked over and over about how much there was still to learn about Christ...how the love of God constantly overwhelmed her. She came with question after question, trying to reconcile what she had read in the Scriptures that week with what we were discussing. She prayed faithfully for others and cared deeply for their pain and suffering. She was always sharing about someone around her that she was trying to reach out to who was in the hospital or recently diagnosed with a dreaded disease.
Thinking about her life and the talks we had, especially in the last 18 months, led to several good lessons for me to consider...
Not knowing her well, I wondered what she'd think of someone half her age teaching her. I was delighted with her response. She talked over and over about how much there was still to learn about Christ...how the love of God constantly overwhelmed her. She came with question after question, trying to reconcile what she had read in the Scriptures that week with what we were discussing. She prayed faithfully for others and cared deeply for their pain and suffering. She was always sharing about someone around her that she was trying to reach out to who was in the hospital or recently diagnosed with a dreaded disease.
Thinking about her life and the talks we had, especially in the last 18 months, led to several good lessons for me to consider...
- I will die with sins still needing change, but the effort to put them to death should only increase to the end.
- His grace will always be my only hope.
- The faithfulness of God is not truth because of what He does for us, but because of who He is.
- There will always be more to learn which should excite us every day to rise to see what He might reveal.
- There is always ministry to do, no matter what infirmity you have or circumstance you find yourself in.
- Though suffering from disease and death will come at us more and more as we and others close to us age, the compassion to meet that suffering will always rise to meet it. Our hearts should never grow hardened to others' pain.
- A lifetime of learning will not fathom the depths of what occurred at the cross of Christ.
- Questions need to be asked, even when you think at a certain age you should know the answers.
- Prayer changes us, settles us, moves us to action, reminds us, secures us, draws us up from the pit.
- God is my only hope in this age as well as the next.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
One more push
Next week is the deadline for the early registration discount to the Desiring God Regional Conference in Austin. I'm so excited that Cassie has signed up to go with me! Please consider joining us. Here's the description with links posted below that for you. I promise you will be blessed by hearing Piper teach.
InvitationDesiring God 2008 Regional Conference
The book of Job asks the earnest question we all ask: “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
Afflicted with disease, stripped of his wealth, and asked to confess to evil, Job reaches through his cloud of suffering and strains to touch his God.
As we ponder Job's misery, do we also see the threads of God's mercy in it?
We will all face suffering at some point in our lives; it is inescapable. But what makes calamity endurable is not that God shares our shock, but that through every flame of pain and flood of fear, his sovereign goodness sustains us and turns it all for our good.For you who suffer, for you who will suffer, and for you who walk alongside those who suffer, we invite you to this conference to see and savor the One who suffered in our place, and who promises never to leave or forsake us.
Please join us for this two-day event on October 17-18 in Austin, Texas.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Happy anniversary to me!
I love my husband! We're coming up to our 19th anniversary this month and he really knows how to give me good gifts that hit right at my heart. And the good news is...you can join me for it! Even though October is right in the middle of football season, he has graciously allowed me to sign up for Desiring God's Regional Conference, Job: When the Righteous Suffer. I'm so grateful that even though he can't attend, he was excited for me to go. Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?
It's October 17-18th in Austin at Hill Country Bible Church NW. I've attached links to the information below so you can see if it's something you might be interested in coming to. I promise you that you will be blessed by being there...and I'd be blessed by you coming with me! It'll be one of the best things $25 can buy! Let me know what you think...
Conference summary
Schedule
Travel info
It's October 17-18th in Austin at Hill Country Bible Church NW. I've attached links to the information below so you can see if it's something you might be interested in coming to. I promise you that you will be blessed by being there...and I'd be blessed by you coming with me! It'll be one of the best things $25 can buy! Let me know what you think...
Conference summary
Schedule
Travel info
Friday, July 11, 2008
In need of another's view
We had gone inside after a morning swimming in the clear water of Lake Burton, GA...grabbed some lunch, helped to clean up...when we heard the first rumblings of thunder. So, Aisley, Brennan and I did what came to be an almost daily ritual: quickly gathered books, Nintendo DS, snacks, drinks and a couple of towels and headed outside!
Aisley and her DS waiting for the rain to come...
No, we're not nuts. We just really wanted to get to the top of the boathouse before the rain hit. There's a covered pavilion at the top with a couple of net swings for the girls and a hammock for me. The rain rolled in, the cool wind blew and we fell into what we decided later was our favorite time on the lake.
The hours were slow and wonderful. The talk was easy and fun. It was good to be with my girls in one of the most beautiful places we've ever seen. Life was good...and for all we knew, it was that way for everyone, everywhere. After all, cell phone service was sporadic. Email connections, almost non-existent. We talked of the Lord...His provision and splendor...His care for us and for Wayne and Cassie, thousands of miles away...His amazing gift of time and rest. Wasn't everyone feeling the same?
It only took a few phone calls to find out differently. What we realized is that the top of the boathouse was the only place my cell phone worked with any reliability. I took it out with us the second day just to have a clock with us since the day before we lost track of time! As soon as I settled in, the phone buzzed that a few messages were waiting. I settled back to listen to messages and return calls, wondering what was happening in the rest of the world.
By the time the evening came we discovered that two friends of mine had died, two others were having conflict within their families and a family had lost a two year old little boy after simple swimming lessons put too much strain on a little heart. Grief, pain, stunned voices, straining to see clearly the way to walk next, pressing to find their way back to the place we rested in so easily.
While talking to one dear sister that day, she paused to ask if I had time to listen...was she interrupting us? No, I softly laughed, if you've got time...I've got time. All the time in the world, in fact. What was I doing? she wanted to know. Sitting in the rain, swinging on a hammock at the top of a boathouse on a beautiful lake nestled in the Appalachian Mountains...and would be for the next 3-4 hours. There was a bit of a pause in her voice as she chuckled ironically. What a difference between her day and mine.
So great was the gap, I started to apologize for it...for being in such a good, restful place when she was not. I wanted her to know that I weep where she weeps. But she quickly stopped me. No, she said. I'm so glad that you are doing so well. I need you to be. I need to know that someone is seeing clearly...that God is still as He always was.
I was struck by her words of wisdom. How right she is. When I'm going through hardship...whether money, children, pain, suffering, loss, conflict...it's easy to look at others who are experiencing blessing from God and either feel more sorry for myself or bitter at their good fortune. But the Word of God has a different perspective for me...Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says...
How amazing to realize the provision that God has already made for my future problems in dear sisters in Christ who are chasing hard to know Him and obey Him in all things. I will fall. He will lift me up...and sometimes He will use others to cry in the darkness to me...I see Him! Follow me...I know the way to go. We'll get there together.
Aisley and her DS waiting for the rain to come...
No, we're not nuts. We just really wanted to get to the top of the boathouse before the rain hit. There's a covered pavilion at the top with a couple of net swings for the girls and a hammock for me. The rain rolled in, the cool wind blew and we fell into what we decided later was our favorite time on the lake.
The hours were slow and wonderful. The talk was easy and fun. It was good to be with my girls in one of the most beautiful places we've ever seen. Life was good...and for all we knew, it was that way for everyone, everywhere. After all, cell phone service was sporadic. Email connections, almost non-existent. We talked of the Lord...His provision and splendor...His care for us and for Wayne and Cassie, thousands of miles away...His amazing gift of time and rest. Wasn't everyone feeling the same?
It only took a few phone calls to find out differently. What we realized is that the top of the boathouse was the only place my cell phone worked with any reliability. I took it out with us the second day just to have a clock with us since the day before we lost track of time! As soon as I settled in, the phone buzzed that a few messages were waiting. I settled back to listen to messages and return calls, wondering what was happening in the rest of the world.
By the time the evening came we discovered that two friends of mine had died, two others were having conflict within their families and a family had lost a two year old little boy after simple swimming lessons put too much strain on a little heart. Grief, pain, stunned voices, straining to see clearly the way to walk next, pressing to find their way back to the place we rested in so easily.
While talking to one dear sister that day, she paused to ask if I had time to listen...was she interrupting us? No, I softly laughed, if you've got time...I've got time. All the time in the world, in fact. What was I doing? she wanted to know. Sitting in the rain, swinging on a hammock at the top of a boathouse on a beautiful lake nestled in the Appalachian Mountains...and would be for the next 3-4 hours. There was a bit of a pause in her voice as she chuckled ironically. What a difference between her day and mine.
So great was the gap, I started to apologize for it...for being in such a good, restful place when she was not. I wanted her to know that I weep where she weeps. But she quickly stopped me. No, she said. I'm so glad that you are doing so well. I need you to be. I need to know that someone is seeing clearly...that God is still as He always was.
I was struck by her words of wisdom. How right she is. When I'm going through hardship...whether money, children, pain, suffering, loss, conflict...it's easy to look at others who are experiencing blessing from God and either feel more sorry for myself or bitter at their good fortune. But the Word of God has a different perspective for me...Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says...
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!God had given me a time of strength and clear sight, not for my sake, but for Him and His people. It was now my turn to do what I could to be a light in her darkness...to proclaim that the God she has known for so long is still the same as He ever was...to make known again to her the promises which are ours in Jesus Christ...to declare the cross and the power of the gospel in her life. It was my delightful duty to lift her up...with the sure knowledge that it won't be long before I need her to return the favor. In this world I will have trouble...another of Jesus' promises to us.
How amazing to realize the provision that God has already made for my future problems in dear sisters in Christ who are chasing hard to know Him and obey Him in all things. I will fall. He will lift me up...and sometimes He will use others to cry in the darkness to me...I see Him! Follow me...I know the way to go. We'll get there together.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Come on, Coach
Behold your God - Part 7
May means one thing in our house...football is here. (Yes, I know it's not the fall. Don't get me started.) That means it won't be long until a tradition begins around the Republic of Texas. Men who can still recall the feel of leather in their hands (or at least wish they had) will stand around the fringes of practice, picking it all apart. They'll take it to a whole 'nother level come game day when I and my girls will be treated to variations on the What-In-The-World-Were-You-Thinking refrain. As in: Come on, coach. A pass play on 4th and short? Or it's twin: Come on, coach. Running it on 4th and short? Everyone knew that was coming.I'm usually pretty good about it. No, really. I am. (Okay...I get a thrill out of the Brett Farve commercial where he's telling everyone how to do their jobs, but I've never seriously injured anyone...that they know of...or can prove...) Truth is, I'm probably one of the worst, though decidedly less vocal about it given that I'm sitting with all the other coaches' wives in the stands. That's their husband and daddy I'm fuming at after all. I only get really bent out of shape when they do one of two things. Either they make it personal by cussing or yelling insults, or they start to question the coaches' commitment to doing what is best. With the first one, I usually just ask them to tone it down. But when my husband has been gone from us for 64 nights in a row, hasn't eaten dinner with us since July and hasn't made it to a single activity for his girls so that he could be with their kids and they question his commitment...well, that's when I tend to come unglued. Patty assured me yesterday that not everything I'm yelling in my head usually makes it out, but I'm sure too much of it does.
It's usually during those arrogant, I-know-everything moments when God interrupts with a jolt in my brain. My attitude toward the coaches is not much different than I can have toward God. I agree with what He does when His choices match mine. I doubt that He knows what He's doing when things go differently. That's because I have goals for myself and those I love...well, even those I don't even know. Maria Chapman, 5 yr. old daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman, died Wednesday. Killed in her driveway after coming home from celebrating her big sister's engagement...getting ready to go to her big brother's graduation party. Come on, coach. Is this really the best you've got?
The questions run deep because, as we've seen, God is all powerful...and God loves us, cares for us as a tender Shepherd over His people. Put those together and we have a God who has goals for us that are for our good, that give us a future and a hope. Jer. 29:11 And that God has all power in His hand to accomplish whatever He desires. Psalm 135:6 So, what we get in our lives is what He most deeply desires for us. Which leads us to ask...God is powerful and caring, but does He know best what to do with both? Can we trust His decisions?Behold His Knowledge & Wisdom
Because make no mistake, the Lord our God is adamant that we understand that knowledge and wisdom and understanding are His...Is. 40:13-14...
Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD,
or what man shows him his counsel?
Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
J. I. Packer puts it so well in his book, Knowing God: Wisdom is the power to see and the inclination to choose the best and highest goal, together with the surest means of attaining it. God is never other than wise in anything that He does. (pg. 91)
The best and the highest goal. That's not usually mine at the moment, especially when I am suffering, lost in grief, racked by pain...but it is always God's. What that means for us is that we need an attitude shift. So often, we sit in judgment on God, testing His ways without the measure of His character in our minds. We trust our own judgment so completely that it is our measure against God. Why can't He see it our way? How could this possibly be good? Why didn't He stop it? Questions like this, Packer says, can lead us to despair for we are never meant to see from His perspective. Isaiah 40 puts it like this in verse 28...his understanding is unsearchable. Not that we can't know some of what He intends, for much is made clear, but we will never reach the end of His wisdom to know what He knows.
So, what do we do in the meantime? Packer puts it well...take it as from God. Know that it is He who has you and is upholding you in all things. Molly Piper put it so well yesterday. She likened the Chapman's pain to being hit by a tidal wave, but said at the end...I’m not trying to be pessimistic or say that God is not there. He’s the tidal wave and he’s the light at the top and he’s the fresh, cold air that their lungs will scream for.
Remember who it is that moves in your life. Remember His character. Remember His care. Remember the cross when you are tempted to deny either. Remember His goals. And trust Him. By a grace we will never deserve, He has committed Himself to you. He will see it through. Listen to Him...
or what man shows him his counsel?
Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
J. I. Packer puts it so well in his book, Knowing God: Wisdom is the power to see and the inclination to choose the best and highest goal, together with the surest means of attaining it. God is never other than wise in anything that He does. (pg. 91)
The best and the highest goal. That's not usually mine at the moment, especially when I am suffering, lost in grief, racked by pain...but it is always God's. What that means for us is that we need an attitude shift. So often, we sit in judgment on God, testing His ways without the measure of His character in our minds. We trust our own judgment so completely that it is our measure against God. Why can't He see it our way? How could this possibly be good? Why didn't He stop it? Questions like this, Packer says, can lead us to despair for we are never meant to see from His perspective. Isaiah 40 puts it like this in verse 28...his understanding is unsearchable. Not that we can't know some of what He intends, for much is made clear, but we will never reach the end of His wisdom to know what He knows.
So, what do we do in the meantime? Packer puts it well...take it as from God. Know that it is He who has you and is upholding you in all things. Molly Piper put it so well yesterday. She likened the Chapman's pain to being hit by a tidal wave, but said at the end...I’m not trying to be pessimistic or say that God is not there. He’s the tidal wave and he’s the light at the top and he’s the fresh, cold air that their lungs will scream for.
Remember who it is that moves in your life. Remember His character. Remember His care. Remember the cross when you are tempted to deny either. Remember His goals. And trust Him. By a grace we will never deserve, He has committed Himself to you. He will see it through. Listen to Him...
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you...
Isaiah 43:1-4
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you...
Isaiah 43:1-4
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Maria
Mom told me about this video tribute that the Chapman family put on their website so we could all get a glimpse of their little girl...
Can you take a minute?
Tragic news for Steven Curtis Chapman and family...
We weep with those who weep, grieving, but not as those who have no hope. News from last night:
Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest child died Wednesday evening after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family's Williamson County home.
Maria, one of the Christian singer's six children, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.
The 5-year-old was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. . . .
Singer/songwriter Chapman, who recently was inducted into Music City Walk of Fame, is one of contemporary Christian music's most recognizable and most awarded names.
He and his wife, Mary Beth, have long been supporters of international adoption, having brought three girls from China into their family. Maria was the youngest.
Please take a minute to pray for them now...esp. for their teenage son...
HT: Between Two Worlds
He is God!
Behold your God - Part 6
Behold His Care
We said that in Isaiah 40:10 the first words God speaks tell us of His power, His strength. They are words of power, rule and might. Then it shifts, almost abruptly, to words that tell us of His care for us. Verse 11:
Read those verbs again and listen to the description given them to help us understand our Father: Tend like a shepherd...gather and carry the lambs right next to His heart...gently lead. Our Lord is powerful...powerful on our behalf. In verse 29 He tells us that He not only has power, but gives it to those who are in need.
God loves you. He can not have shown you that more than in His Son's death on the cross. He didn't spare His own Son. No greater love can be displayed. (See this post to read J. C. Ryle's amazing quote on this display.) He is the Great Shepherd leading His flock to still water, green pastures...leading us in His paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
How loving is the love of God? How compassionate His mercy? How sufficient His grace? Oh, how we need God to answer Paul's prayer that we may comprehend together with all the saints who are now with God in glory what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that we may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph. 3:17-19
What we need to see is that it is no accident that God mentions His power before His care. It is the power of God that guarantees His love to us is sustained. When you find yourself tossed about from the storms of life, when grief threatens to overcome you so that you feel like crying out with the disciples "Lord, don't you even care that I am perishing?", when fear of what might be threatens to make you blind to God's goodness and concern for you, think of the power that sustains His love. Nothing can stop God from loving you and bringing about all that is good for you and glorious for Him.
In what is probably my favorite John Piper book, Pleasures of God, Dr. Piper writes lines that run through me. He is talking about the verse from Zephaniah 3:15-17 that talk about God's presence with us and His rejoicing over us with loud singing. Can you imagine such a thing? Can you hear God love you so much that He actually rejoices over it? If not, listen...
He knows you're tired. He knows you're weary. (Is. 40:30...Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted.) So lean in...relax your shoulders...lay your head down...take a deep breath. He loves you...wait upon Him. You will get through this...promise.
I know. I know. I did what I told you I hated...ended the story about Brennan without a good ending...without good prevailing...without your questions answered. So, how'd Brennan's surgery go? What was the problem? Well, if you've seen her recent haircut then you know she's doing great! Things turned out well this time. It was just soft, granulated tissue on one set of adenoids that broke open. They removed them...biopsy was clear. She probably will never have it happen again, though she still gets normal nose bleeds more often than some. So, is that why I can hope? Because things turned out well? Because God's power worked the way we wanted it to?
No. A thousand times no...
I can say that because it didn't turn out like I'd hoped when our baby died...or when we were fired...or when another daughter was taken for surgery...or when the money didn't match the bills...or when my father died...or when... you get the picture. It hasn't turned out like I might have hoped for, prayed for many, many times. So I wasn't sitting in that waiting room clinging to a false promise that His power was there at my convenience.
But if God chooses sometimes to work the way I want and sometimes not, how can I keep turning to Him? What else can we know about God that doesn't just leave us with a God who is powerful, but distant?Behold His Care
We said that in Isaiah 40:10 the first words God speaks tell us of His power, His strength. They are words of power, rule and might. Then it shifts, almost abruptly, to words that tell us of His care for us. Verse 11:
He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.
God loves you. He can not have shown you that more than in His Son's death on the cross. He didn't spare His own Son. No greater love can be displayed. (See this post to read J. C. Ryle's amazing quote on this display.) He is the Great Shepherd leading His flock to still water, green pastures...leading us in His paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
How loving is the love of God? How compassionate His mercy? How sufficient His grace? Oh, how we need God to answer Paul's prayer that we may comprehend together with all the saints who are now with God in glory what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that we may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph. 3:17-19
What we need to see is that it is no accident that God mentions His power before His care. It is the power of God that guarantees His love to us is sustained. When you find yourself tossed about from the storms of life, when grief threatens to overcome you so that you feel like crying out with the disciples "Lord, don't you even care that I am perishing?", when fear of what might be threatens to make you blind to God's goodness and concern for you, think of the power that sustains His love. Nothing can stop God from loving you and bringing about all that is good for you and glorious for Him.
In what is probably my favorite John Piper book, Pleasures of God, Dr. Piper writes lines that run through me. He is talking about the verse from Zephaniah 3:15-17 that talk about God's presence with us and His rejoicing over us with loud singing. Can you imagine such a thing? Can you hear God love you so much that He actually rejoices over it? If not, listen...
He is not far from you. Yes, I admit that this staggers the imagination and stretches credibility almost to the breaking point - that God can be present personally to everyone who comes to Him and believes on Him. But say to yourself, again and again, He is God! He is God! What shall stop God from being close to me if He wants to be close to me? He is God! He is God! The very greatness that makes Him seem too far to be near, is the greatness that enables Him to do whatever He pleases, including being near to me.The same is true with His love, care, concern for you. Nothing can stop Him from taking care of you. Nothing stands in the way of the fullness of His mercy greeting you every morning. His Son has done the full work on the cross, absorbing the wrath of God, taking your punishment of death and conquering all in His resurrection from the dead. He is God! He is God! And you are His. His power sustains His love for you. His might upholds His care of you. Those strong Shepherd's arms carry you. Gently. Against His heart.
He knows you're tired. He knows you're weary. (Is. 40:30...Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted.) So lean in...relax your shoulders...lay your head down...take a deep breath. He loves you...wait upon Him. You will get through this...promise.
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. (Is. 40:31)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Do you see what I see?
Behold your God - Part 5
It's no surprise that one of Jesus' most frequent miracles was giving sight to the blind. It mirrors what the Bible tells us that He came to do in each of us...2 Corinthians 4:3-6 tells us that we are each blind until God shines light into our hearts to let us see Christ.
Behold His Power
The first thing God mentions about Himself starting in Isaiah 40:10 is His power, His strength. He tells us that nothing can stay His hand. No one can thwart His plans. He is Lord of kings and nations. The stars, some of which are so large that our sun can fit in them 10,000 times over, are upheld by Him. Powers on earth which are too large for anyone to overcome wither at just His breath blowing on them. Every power on earth is accounted by Him as nothing...emptiness.
How mighty is the might of God? How powerful His power? How strong His strength? What could stop His plan? Your boss, your spouse, your teacher, your money, your ability, your strength, your wisdom...what can get in God's way? He rules. He rules you. He rules everyone else. No one is outside His kingdom. No one goes their own way. When you feel helpless, lost, powerless, unable to see your way through, unable to do what needs to be done, turn to the one who is able. Appeal to Him on the basis of what He Himself has said.
A Fight to Behold
I will never forget one moment when I needed to hold this thought so firmly. Our youngest, Brennan, was playing on the computer. School was over for the day, earlier than I had even hoped for. We couldn't have been having a more normal Tuesday when Brennan runs to me, yelling in panic that her nose was bleeding. Well, I'm a coach's wife. Bloody noses are part of life. So, I told her to calm down. Let's get a rag. Pinch it closed for 10 minutes or so. It'll be fine. Except that it wasn't. We didn't get to one minute when the blood started pouring from her other nostril. Then she started gagging and throwing up blood. It was pouring from her nose, coughing up from her mouth. More than I had ever seen. Nothing I was doing could stop it.
By the grace and mercy of God, our pediatrician and good friend was home that day and answered my call for help. She comes over expecting to see, I'm sure, a normal nose bleed, but one look at the blood spatters all over the bathroom and she understood we needed more than normal help. She gets us in to an ENT who makes the call that he needs to get her into surgery to be able to see where the bleeding is coming from and to stop it completely. Wayne rushes up from school.
A normal day gone to pieces. I remember sitting in the waiting room of the ICU with Wayne and dear friends who answered our call for help. I felt so completely helpless. Brennan hates hospitals. Hates needles. Hates blood. Hates being left with strangers. Cassie summed it up when I called her that afternoon...Why Brennan? I think I could have handled this, but Brennan? She'll be terrified. That's how we all felt. And what was causing this? My brain was running with all possibilities and the looks on our friends' faces told us they were greatly concerned as well. That wouldn't usually make a difference except these friends were doctors of many years. If they're concerned, we're in trouble.
And there was nothing we could do. But we were not without help. We had God. He is able to do what we couldn't. He could be with Brennan, right inside of her. He could calm her. He could get her through. Nothing could stop Him being with her. He knew exactly what was wrong with her. And He could fix it. He knit her together in my womb. She was His workmanship. He knows exactly how her body works and what needed to be done. And nothing could stop Him from guiding that surgeon's hand. He knew the plans He had and He would see them done.
A dear friend who stayed until the end sat next to me. I would look at her from time to time as the seconds stretched to hours. She would see my panic and say what I needed to hear: No, Kim. Don't panic. He's there. You are not needed. He has her. Who else would you rather have in there with her than GOD? He is able. Do not fear. He is with her. He will uphold her with His righteous right hand. I know that you are afraid, but think about God.
Think about God. That's what steadied me in that place of need. My God is mighty to save. He has great power to bring back from exile...to bring about change...to extend the money...to relieve the pain...to guide you safely through the storm...to heal your heart that grieves so deeply. He is mighty in power, great in wonder, awesome in His display of who He is on behalf of those who trust in Him.
It's no surprise that one of Jesus' most frequent miracles was giving sight to the blind. It mirrors what the Bible tells us that He came to do in each of us...2 Corinthians 4:3-6 tells us that we are each blind until God shines light into our hearts to let us see Christ.
3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. 4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.And just like Jesus said: If you've seen Him, you've seen the Father. That hymn had it right...I once was blind, but now I see. But it's not that simple, is it? It's not like we just suddenly get it. We continually have to press hard after God to see Him more and more. And we are completely dependent on Him to shine that light that lets us see. But because of His great mercy, He has chosen to reveal much about who He is in His Word. If we could see a light in the storms of our lives, what would He reveal to us about who He is?
Behold His Power
The first thing God mentions about Himself starting in Isaiah 40:10 is His power, His strength. He tells us that nothing can stay His hand. No one can thwart His plans. He is Lord of kings and nations. The stars, some of which are so large that our sun can fit in them 10,000 times over, are upheld by Him. Powers on earth which are too large for anyone to overcome wither at just His breath blowing on them. Every power on earth is accounted by Him as nothing...emptiness.
How mighty is the might of God? How powerful His power? How strong His strength? What could stop His plan? Your boss, your spouse, your teacher, your money, your ability, your strength, your wisdom...what can get in God's way? He rules. He rules you. He rules everyone else. No one is outside His kingdom. No one goes their own way. When you feel helpless, lost, powerless, unable to see your way through, unable to do what needs to be done, turn to the one who is able. Appeal to Him on the basis of what He Himself has said.
A Fight to Behold
I will never forget one moment when I needed to hold this thought so firmly. Our youngest, Brennan, was playing on the computer. School was over for the day, earlier than I had even hoped for. We couldn't have been having a more normal Tuesday when Brennan runs to me, yelling in panic that her nose was bleeding. Well, I'm a coach's wife. Bloody noses are part of life. So, I told her to calm down. Let's get a rag. Pinch it closed for 10 minutes or so. It'll be fine. Except that it wasn't. We didn't get to one minute when the blood started pouring from her other nostril. Then she started gagging and throwing up blood. It was pouring from her nose, coughing up from her mouth. More than I had ever seen. Nothing I was doing could stop it.
By the grace and mercy of God, our pediatrician and good friend was home that day and answered my call for help. She comes over expecting to see, I'm sure, a normal nose bleed, but one look at the blood spatters all over the bathroom and she understood we needed more than normal help. She gets us in to an ENT who makes the call that he needs to get her into surgery to be able to see where the bleeding is coming from and to stop it completely. Wayne rushes up from school.
A normal day gone to pieces. I remember sitting in the waiting room of the ICU with Wayne and dear friends who answered our call for help. I felt so completely helpless. Brennan hates hospitals. Hates needles. Hates blood. Hates being left with strangers. Cassie summed it up when I called her that afternoon...Why Brennan? I think I could have handled this, but Brennan? She'll be terrified. That's how we all felt. And what was causing this? My brain was running with all possibilities and the looks on our friends' faces told us they were greatly concerned as well. That wouldn't usually make a difference except these friends were doctors of many years. If they're concerned, we're in trouble.
And there was nothing we could do. But we were not without help. We had God. He is able to do what we couldn't. He could be with Brennan, right inside of her. He could calm her. He could get her through. Nothing could stop Him being with her. He knew exactly what was wrong with her. And He could fix it. He knit her together in my womb. She was His workmanship. He knows exactly how her body works and what needed to be done. And nothing could stop Him from guiding that surgeon's hand. He knew the plans He had and He would see them done.
A dear friend who stayed until the end sat next to me. I would look at her from time to time as the seconds stretched to hours. She would see my panic and say what I needed to hear: No, Kim. Don't panic. He's there. You are not needed. He has her. Who else would you rather have in there with her than GOD? He is able. Do not fear. He is with her. He will uphold her with His righteous right hand. I know that you are afraid, but think about God.
Think about God. That's what steadied me in that place of need. My God is mighty to save. He has great power to bring back from exile...to bring about change...to extend the money...to relieve the pain...to guide you safely through the storm...to heal your heart that grieves so deeply. He is mighty in power, great in wonder, awesome in His display of who He is on behalf of those who trust in Him.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I admit it...I'm one of those people
Behold your God - Part 4
I love to read. All the time. Anywhere we are. (That's not the admission.) I heard from one of our youth pastors that iPods are what he calls "isolation devices". Teens can use them to disconnect from others around them. That was what a book was to me when I was a teenager...and still can be. An escape, often. A way to disconnect with life, sometimes. A way to knowledge, understanding, experience without having to move off the couch, always.
But somewhere along the line, and probably earlier than I'd like to admit, I became as much a critic as a reader. I'd change lines in stories, plot locations and devices and most certainly, endings. That last one was after I was burned a couple of times. You know the feeling? When you hit the last couple of pages of the book or the last few minutes of a movie and realize: This is the end? You've got to be kidding me! That's when it started...I became one of those people...the ones who read the end from the beginning. I want to know that the characters come to a good end...things wrap up nicely...justice is served...goodness prevails...the question is answered. Every now and then I'll tell myself that I'm not going to do it. And I'll usually get a good 100 pages or so into it before I flip to the back to see if she really dies or if I actually agree with their conclusions. I'm weak. I know it. I'm seeking help...no, I'm not. I actually like it!
How nice to see that God understands me and gives us words that tell us the end from the beginning! That's what Isaiah 40-66 is all about. Words of comfort before the exile begins. Words meant to give Israel a glimpse of who He is and what He's about. Words that don't answer all the questions, but hit right at our need. Obviously, I can't cover all that He says in a blog (PLEASE read it sometime for yourself), but I'd like to hit some of the highlights as we consider what it is about God that He wants us to behold...that should settle our hearts as we hit times of suffering.
Look for yourself just in chapter 40. So often, when we see a passage of Scripture, our eyes run over it quickly. Don't run your eyes over these words. If you have time to click this blog, you have time to read the next passage. Really listen to a God who desires to provide words of comfort. Then in the next few blogs I'll sum up some of what I see that I need to be reminded of when need is great and times are hard.
I love to read. All the time. Anywhere we are. (That's not the admission.) I heard from one of our youth pastors that iPods are what he calls "isolation devices". Teens can use them to disconnect from others around them. That was what a book was to me when I was a teenager...and still can be. An escape, often. A way to disconnect with life, sometimes. A way to knowledge, understanding, experience without having to move off the couch, always.
But somewhere along the line, and probably earlier than I'd like to admit, I became as much a critic as a reader. I'd change lines in stories, plot locations and devices and most certainly, endings. That last one was after I was burned a couple of times. You know the feeling? When you hit the last couple of pages of the book or the last few minutes of a movie and realize: This is the end? You've got to be kidding me! That's when it started...I became one of those people...the ones who read the end from the beginning. I want to know that the characters come to a good end...things wrap up nicely...justice is served...goodness prevails...the question is answered. Every now and then I'll tell myself that I'm not going to do it. And I'll usually get a good 100 pages or so into it before I flip to the back to see if she really dies or if I actually agree with their conclusions. I'm weak. I know it. I'm seeking help...no, I'm not. I actually like it!
How nice to see that God understands me and gives us words that tell us the end from the beginning! That's what Isaiah 40-66 is all about. Words of comfort before the exile begins. Words meant to give Israel a glimpse of who He is and what He's about. Words that don't answer all the questions, but hit right at our need. Obviously, I can't cover all that He says in a blog (PLEASE read it sometime for yourself), but I'd like to hit some of the highlights as we consider what it is about God that He wants us to behold...that should settle our hearts as we hit times of suffering.
Look for yourself just in chapter 40. So often, when we see a passage of Scripture, our eyes run over it quickly. Don't run your eyes over these words. If you have time to click this blog, you have time to read the next passage. Really listen to a God who desires to provide words of comfort. Then in the next few blogs I'll sum up some of what I see that I need to be reminded of when need is great and times are hard.
10 Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,
and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him,
and his recompense before him.
11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD,
or what man shows him his counsel?
14 Whom did he consult,
and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
and taught him knowledge,
and showed him the way of understanding?
15 Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
and are accounted as the dust on the scales;
behold, he takes up the coastlands like fine dust.
16 Lebanon would not suffice for fuel,
nor are its beasts enough for a burnt offering.
17 All the nations are as nothing before him,
they are accounted by him as less than nothing and emptiness.18 To whom then will you liken God,
or what likeness compare with him?
19 An idol! A craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and casts for it silver chains.
20 He who is too impoverished for an offering
chooses wood that will not rot;
he seeks out a skillful craftsman
to set up an idol that will not move.21 Do you not know? Do you not hear?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
22 It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;
23 who brings princes to nothing,
and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness.24 Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown,
scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth,
when he blows on them, and they wither,
and the tempest carries them off like stubble.25 To whom then will you compare me,
that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes on high and see:
who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing.27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God"?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
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