Lera's Story

If we're friends on Facebook or Instagram, you've seen this hashtag: #LerasStory. We created it so we could gather together all the pictures we post and the words we say about her on each site. Those words express our shock and awe, pain and longing, wonder and shake-your-head craziness that is the story of God in our lives and how He wove one little girl in a far away part of a far away country to change not only our stories but so many others. Here's how it all began...

Have you ever made one of those statements that you just know made God smirk at you? Perhaps you said it and thought you heard the echo of a deep sound and wondered if that was thunder...while part of you knew it was Him chuckling at you. That's what we should have heard one day as we sat on the swing in the peaceful camp of our sister church in Ukraine. We had helped clear things from dinner...had set up chairs in the tent for the upcoming meeting...had cleaned up some...had made sure all the girls with us were doing well...and what do you know? Wayne and I found ourselves with each other and not needing to do anything.

It's a rare moment so we took advantage of it and caught up on thoughts and experiences...on feelings and activities...the normal unload we do when we're both goinggoinggoing and only have a little time to pause. It was during that twilight conversation that we came to the topic of adoption and all God was moving in our friends and in our church. I can't remember who said it first, but we began discussing how we were feeling about our own family. Did we feel called to adopt? The truthful, peaceful, settled answer from us both was no. We'll support...do respite care...help fund...pray without ceasing for them all...but no, not us.

It didn't feel relief as if I didn't want it for us, but I did feel a sense of "good, that's behind us...now we can move on with what's next for us." (I know it. I can hear Him chuckling now. Back then, I just thought a storm cloud was moving in. Silly me.)

Fast forward just a few short weeks later. We're back in Texas. Football meetings have started so I've said goodbye to Wayne until November. Cassie is still in Ukraine, and as she often is, Cassie has been out of touch for about 2 weeks as she's in an orphanage...we're never quite sure where. We'll know she's alive and well when she gets to wifi back in Kiev and starts posting pics. And sure enough, here they came.

I did as I always do as I scanned those precious faces: Aww...precious...sigh...she's a cutie...I'll take him any day...ha!...tear...oh, there's Cass!...sigh...haha...oh, good grief...and Cass again...
Except, this time something new came out of me when I saw this picture.

It was:
Mine.
Mine.
She's mine.












And yes, I was a little freaked out. But I just kept clicking through pics. And every time I saw her like in this one, my heart said, "Mine." The same way it did when I saw Cass. Mineminemine.












And it didn't stop. I thought and prayed until I finally messaged Cassie a couple of days later and said, "Tell me about the boy in the blue shirt and the girl in the pink and that other girl in the red shirt...the one in the pic with you who you called your princess." So, she told me about the first two...but with the little girl in the red shirt, a quick response wouldn't do...and I got my first glimpse into what God had already done in our family as Cassie posted this:

Writing this through tears. This is my small, beautiful, princess Lera. I am not kidding when I say I want to get her home. She is 5 years old, has autism and fell in love with me. So much so that three days in she was calling me Mama. She loved my earrings and absolutely loved my necklaces. How fitting that her favorite one is my "I will come to you" necklace from Kate Clayton. She would hold it and play with the pearl and plane as long as I would let her. The nannies didn't like it when I held her because they didn't want her to get attached. I held her anyway. There was nothing sweeter than calling out her name and watching her whole being light up as she skipped over to me, arms outstretched. She loved singing with me. Mostly made up words but I knew what I was singing to her...truth, love and hope. Putting her to bed was a precious time. She would grip my neck tight as I told her I loved her, was praying for her, to have sweet dreams and I would see her in the morning. Leaving her was the hardest. I was sobbing as she clung to my neck and wouldn't let go. The nannies asked if I wanted to take her home and upon my declarative yes they told me she couldn't be adopted because she is sick. My God is big though. I will pray and see what He does. He is bigger than a system and bigger than a piece of paper. Who knows what He will do. Missing her always. Praying someone holds her and sings to her and tells her they love her. Please, Jesus. I don't know what to do but my eyes are on You.

Cassie knew it, too. She belongs with her. But what Cassie didn't know was that she was hers because she was mine. But did I mention that we had just sat on a swing and knew it was "no"? How do I tell Wayne that it's a yes now...like bone-deep-settled-when-can-I-have-her yes? Well, God gave me an unexpected opportunity.

Usually once we get home from Ukraine, we say goodbye to Wayne that same day. But he came home that Friday night and said, "Guess what? I don't have work tomorrow. At all." A whole Saturday?? Crazy. The girls and I had planned to run to Ikea for some stuff, but babysitting jobs had opened which meant that Wayne and I were about to have an entire day alone. I knew this was my chance. As soon as we dropped off the girls and took off down the road, I said, "I'm so grateful to have some time with you. There are a couple of things I want to talk to you about."

And he said, "Me, too. One thing, I was thinking...we should see about bringing home that little girl, Lera."

Yeah. I know it. It doesn't happen with us often either. In our 25 years of marriage, it's been that easy...never. Usually one of us is ready to run ahead while the other has reservatnions or just needs some time to think. But this time? God was sweet to move us both...separately and together.

That's the short part of it. We were just done. It was settled in about 20 seconds. I said, "That's what I was going to say..." and he said, "Then let's figure it out..." and off we drove to Ikea. But now we walked through saying things like, "We could put this in that corner. And that bed would probably work. She's going to love that little chair." as if it were a normal day in our lives when in fact, God had changed everything in us.

We came home and told the girls what we were thinking, and they were quick to say, "YESYESYES!" We messaged Cassie and told her...cue major tears. They were of one heart and mind toward her though we warned them what it might mean. You read Cassie's words. They call her "sick"...autistic...developmentally delayed. We'd have no way of knowing ahead of time what her real issues are...what can be "fixed" with specialized help and what would be forever. We weren't asking them if they thought it was a good idea for Wayne and I to commit ourselves to her. We were telling them that when we die, Lera would be theirs...for the rest of their lives. Would they agree to that? Could they even understand what they were saying at their young ages? We asked them to give it a few days of thinking...and their answer didn't change. All of a sudden, we were a family of 6.

Well, that was August of 2012...and it's late July of 2014...so what's the problem?
Yeah...adoption is always costly, isn't it? We know that it should be...for our adoptions here are just shadows of the reality of the gift God gave the world...the adoption of sons and daughters with Himself as Father. The cost for this was the life of His only Son. That means we probably should have been prepared for things like:

• finding out her status wasn't "orphan" but the equivalent of a foster child here which means they had to locate her family to see if she could be returned to them
• the police taking their own sweet time finding any information on her parents while we prayed, "please let her go home...to us...to them...to us...to them..."
• winter coming which meant it's cold which can apparently mean that no one does anything
• the director needing to file for a status change...no, wait...the Child Services needing to do it...no, wait...it's the director...or maybe we're supposed to...sigh...
• Last July we visited her. You may have seen the pics:

• Finally...15 months from the first contact about her...we get told there's court date: November 27, 2013. Anyone remember what happened November 21? That's right...all this mess. Protests in Kiev...government changes...ousted president...parliament changes...and during it all, we were told, "It's not completed. Court isn't happening. Her status hasn't been changed."
• Press repeat.

And that's how it's been. Nothing much has changed. I could highlight the news that wasn't news...the papers that we filled out...and re-did...and re-did. The homestudy that doesn't expire until March of 2015 that they wanted redone. The countless times we got the same paper notarized by the precious ladies at Monteith Abstract and Title here in Temple.  Finally, this spring our lawyer in Ukraine said to just get the final documents they asked for and send them. We'll just file and see what happens. So, we got it completed and fly them over....

Except...sigh...we arrived to discover that apparently changes are happening in the adoption system there for them to become Hague certified...and the US is making some changes...all of which means we're back at "we don't know."

What we did know 10 days ago is that if we were in Ukraine where our girl was, we had to do all we could to get our arms around her...to see how she is...to ask them again to please do what they can to get her out of the system. After a lot of ups and downs...moments where it looked like we wouldn't be able to get to her...it finally worked out as you probably saw in these pictures.

It was such joy to see her eyes light up when she saw us...to see her take Aisley's hand and put her hand to her ear as she did last year every time she wanted to see our phones. It gave us a jolt of hope to hear her repeat our words...something the women at the orphanage said she'd never be able to do. It was so fun to see her writing...with either hand! She is still so funny...and stubborn...and playful...and snuggly...and manipulative...and mischievous. In other words, she was still such a Ransleben girl. ;-) We love it when we see her make her own way...get what she wants...scheme and fight. We know it means she hasn't lost hope. We know it means she's determined to survive. We know it means she's an orphan. We love to see her smile and laugh and tug on a friend and sing a song because it means her heart hasn't lost hope in life.

We enjoyed a day with her before we had to leave. We're so incredibly thankful for that. For one day, we were a together family...

Friends met her. We can't tell you what that means to us. We got to laugh and play with her...comfort and soothe her.

 
 

Where do we go from here? The major change is that a new rule would mean we now need an American agency. Or do we? Some documents seem to say yes because our papers were kicked back to us in the middle of that uprising. Some agencies here agree...some agencies disagree and say that because we began before all of this started, we're fine even if we're starting over with new paperwork. In other words, we don't know what to do. Our lawyer there says now that he's just going ahead with it, and we'll see how it plays out. If he hits a roadblock, he'll let us know. What do you bet there might be one or two left?

So...there you go. That's #LerasStory. That's the quick way to tell you how a little, unknown girl in the middle of nowhere Ukraine became a little girl who is prayed over by hundreds. That's how God took a couple from "I wonder what's next for us with an empty nest..." to a couple who could have a daughter with them for the rest of their lives until she goes to live with her sisters.

More, this is the story of a God who has a greater adoption story to tell and decided to display it to us and through us: the glory and the pain...the suffering and the overwhelming joy...the struggle and the perseverance He provides...the walk of faith that is built on knowing that His Son is our only hope...and finding that He is hope enough. And He did it all by taking His love and pouring it into our hearts for a little girl named Lera.

The Lord has done great things for us. Praise Him with us.
There is so much left undone and unknown. Pray with us. Pray for us.
And say it with us: Christ is our only hope. Praise be to God, He is truly hope enough.

Thanks for reading this. Thanks for remaining with us. We'll need you to the end of not only this story, but throughout our lives until He calls us into sight and life. We promise to return the favor.

Love,
Wayne, Kim, Cassie, Aisley, Brennan, and Lera

PS...yes...I used to blog some before writing for the church. Feel free to see what I used to rant about. You'll find a lot of the same diediedie messages you've heard before. ;-) Will I go back to it? We'll see.

5 months from now

That's when Cassie will wake up and head to her first college class at Baylor.

That's when it will hit us both that she's not coming back from vacation in just a couple of days...or home from the mission trip that she spent a month on. That first day...when she wakes up with almost no help from an alarm...when her heart will be jumping and her face beaming with smiles for everyone she sees. She'll be so excited. I know not only because she loves new things...new places...new people. She'll finally be starting what she's been waiting on for so long.

But 5 months? How quick is that?? 7 months ago school started on her senior year. That was yesterday to me. 18 years ago, she just learned to sit up on her own. Happened just last week. 23 years ago, I started my first college class...with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. Cassie wasn't even a glimmer on the distant horizon of my plans for me. How long ago was that? About a month.

I've had a lot of people ask about Cassie leaving. Are we ready? How hard is it going to be? What do the girls think? Is she excited? Answers: Probably not. More than we know right now, but better than we might expect. Sad and excited for her. Oh, my, yes.

When they hear about how sad we all are, they usually try to offer sweet comfort. But I've noticed that everyone's answers come from the same place my thoughts try to go to...who Cassie is...what God's done in the past in her...how she's responded to teaching, training, experiences in her life. Everything you can see. You can hear them, can't you? She'll be fine. She'll love it there. She does so well with people. She's already shown so often that she'll make good decisions. She loves the Lord. She serves so many. She goes the extra mile. She'll only be 35 miles away. She'll be great.

Isn't that how we are? Look around us...try to find that hopeful place. See what we can see...and lean on it. I mean well when I do it to others. Show them in their lives where God's already worked. Show them how He's prepared them for the task ahead. I've got precedent in Scripture for it. But just one chapter later in Psalms God gives us the same word He showed me in Colossians last week. Here's both of them:

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God,
who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.
Psalm 146:5-7

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus
and of the love that you have for all the saints,
because of the hope laid up for you in heaven.
Of this you have heard before in the word of the truth, the gospel...
Colossians 1:3-5

How far short my hope is usually placed! To hope in Cassie...to hope in past works of God...to hope in anything I can see is far below the truest hope I have for her. My Hope must be the Lord Himself. He is the creator of faith and faithfulness. It is He that will faithfully keep her until the end. He is the executor of justice. It is He that will guard her and protect her until the Day. How secure is my hope that is in heaven. How fleeting is any hope that is set here below.

He has given us good fruit to taste in Cassie's life that tell she is His and is on her way. But that fruit was not meant to be stored up for tomorrow. Like the manna that appeared to the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, what we have is today's...for today...and to give us remembrance of God who supplies every day. To store it up...to gather more than you needed for that day was a sin...and would turn to rot in your tent. Why would it be a sin? Because to gather more meant that you didn't trust the Lord...you doubted that God who was faithful today would be faithful tomorrow. So, you stored some up...just in case.

The idea that I would look to what God has done in the past for encouragement of hope isn't sin. That I would look for good fruit in Cassie's life to lead me to rejoicing in the life of Christ within her? That's certainly not sin. Paul spoke of it all the time like here and here. But Paul's trust...his faith...his hope in them wasn't built on what he could see in them and for them and from them. For me store up these things so I could feed on them in the fall when she's not here every day? That's not a position or a feeling that I should feel sympathy for and in fact is one to guard against...for at it's core what I'm doubting is not Cassie, but God. God's faithfulness is on trial. God's promises are at stake. God's ability to finish what He begins is what I have on trial day by day.

Charles Spurgeon put it like this:

Too many in the church of God regard unbelief as if it were a calamity commanding sympathy, rather than a fault demanding censure as well. . . . Doubts are among the worst enemies of your souls. Do not entertain them. Do not treat them as though they were poor forlorn travelers to be hospitably entertained, but as rogues and vagabonds to be chased from thy door. Fight them, slay them, and pray God to help thee to kill them, and bury them, and not even to leave a bone or a piece of a bone of a doubt above ground. Doubting and unbelief are to be abhorred, and to be confessed with tears as sins before God. We need pardon for doubting as much as for blasphemy. We ought no more to excuse doubting than lying, for doubting slanders God and makes him a liar. (HT: Pyromaniacs)

So, the question is will I be ready in 5 months to have my hope "built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness"? Will I say at that day that I "dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name"? Will all other ground truly be sinking sand? Or will I be casting about for jars to store my wormy, smelly manna from yesterday?

5 months. 5 short months to set my gaze on Christ more firmly than it is. Help me, will you? When I falter...when I fall...remind me not of what He's done, but that He's done according to His steadfast love which will never fail. Remind me that He who began that good work in her is faithful. Remind me that Christ always...always...finishes what He starts. Set my gaze back up...higher than my flesh wants to look...to the One who never fails. Set my anchor more firmly in the bedrock of 2 Corinthians 1:18-22 by telling me that it is God who is faithful and it is God who established Cassie in Christ, and has anointed her and who has also put His seal on her and I both and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

I love to hear encouragement about how Cassie has blessed lives...to hear testimony of what Christ has done it her...I, like every other mom I know, love to hear praise of my girls. But it won't ground me...won't hold my weight when the days are dark. God in Christ will uphold me. And will never fail either of us...not now...and certainly not in 5 short months.

Affliction may be too strong of a word

One of my favorite parts of Scripture is when Paul shares his heart about the churches in Macedonia in 2 Corinthians 8:1-3...

We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia, for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part. For they gave according to their means, as I can testify, and beyond their means, of their own accord...

That's what came to mind when the girls gave us their gift. They were so giggly...so thrilled to do it...truly bouncing with happiness. And it wasn't just at that moment. They asked us at the beginning of January to see if there was a weekend we could block out this semester and not have any plans those days. Why? we asked. We're not telling, just block it out, okay? Well, we agreed, but have wondered for weeks what the deal was.

Then came the secret meetings in Cassie's room...followed by huge grins as they came out. The almost daily giggles as they'd whisper to each other. But what really touched my heart about all this happened over the weeks of preparation. To give us this gift took hundreds of dollars...from three girls with no real money. Cassie has a job at the church which pays her for about 3 hours a week at minimum wage and babysits when she can. Aisley and Brennan both babysit sporadically. But it's not like they just gave a little off the top. Every time they got money...any money...they'd rush to Cassie's room...laughing, grinning, happy as could be they they could contribute to whatever it was they were planning.

I can't tell you how that blessed me week after week. And to say that it was a "severe test of affliction" is probably overstating it just a bit. But I promise you that it wasn't easy. They don't get allowances...never have. They have lots of wants, mostly aimed at tech stuff which is very expensive. And because we live off of a single paycheck from a public school, there's lots of daily stuff that they live without that a lot of their friends have or places they can't go because there's just no money for it. Which means that every dollar they make is usually pre-spent in their minds. But they gave it all up for us...to bless us. And they didn't do it begrudgingly. They did it with joy...with generosity...with blessing.

What a lesson for me tonight. What am I hoarding for myself because I have no greater vision than how I can throw it away on myself? Isn't there anyone out there that I love more than myself...for whom I would count it a joy...a privilege...to give to them instead of keeping it for me? Isn't there any gratitude in me that would serve to fuel giving? Can't I be like my girls? It's a good, challenging word for me.

Because that overflow didn't come out of their good, little hearts...as if they've got that little something extra. Notice how Paul put it when he wanted to spread the news of what happened in Macedonia. When giving like this occurs, it's because God got involved and poured out grace to them. And He did much more besides give to us...they told me that one of the amazing things about doing this was that they still have money left over. Somehow...some way...and they're not really sure how...God gave them abundantly more than they could have asked for...or even imagined. What a God we serve! I love that in giving this to us, He also gave them a really good lesson in how generous He can be when we pour out our lives for others. They all spoke in wonder that it happened the way it did.

How I praise Him tonight for His care of us all as Wayne and I make plans. I love that He put this in their hearts. I love that I'll be getting away with Wayne for the first time since our honeymoon almost 20 years ago! (The girls thought that was pretty pathetic...funny moment...I think they're resolved to do a couple of things differently in their own marriages!) I love that through it all, He reminded me that He owns everything and can move everything...we need only obey with joy. I love that He loves my girls enough to give them this message this early. I pray for this good seed to bear much fruit for them in their lives. What a difference three women who love to give away their lives can make on this world for the Kingdom. And if they'd like to do it by sending their Mom and Dad on vacation every now and then? Icing. Really, really sweet icing.

Giggling in the dark

I mentioned that I was recovering from surgery. My Mom informed me not to do this without being abundantly clear that I was talking about "spiritual" surgery and not in a hospital somewhere, lying in a bed, unable to CALL YOUR MOTHER!! Yep. We moms can get a little emotional over our little ones...even when the little one is 40 years old.

So, no...to clear up any confusion. I'm not recovering from any cutting on my body. But I am healing from some good surgery God did on my soul to sever some more flesh from the spirit he's sanctifying in me. And He got started while I was watching this talk from Matt Chandler. Before I post about his talk, let me tell you why all my girls were excited he had been asked to the conference.


Matt (May I call you Matt? Thanks.) has been used by God in an amazing way here in the Ransleben household. Brennan listens to him almost nightly. This came after months of trying to figure out how to settle her mind on truth as she lay in bed night after night, filled with anxiety...from what? You'll have to name it...because mostly she can't. Maybe it's something coming the next day. Maybe it's something happening 6 months from now. Maybe it's something that may never happen. But somewhere in that darkened room her fears would rise and her mind would race and the tears would fall. Night after night.

Then one night last summer, I was sleeping next to her in a hotel room and wasn't tired though I knew we had to turn the lights out for the girls. Don't you hate that moment? Well, I had come prepared with my iPod loaded with sermons. As we lay together in the dark, it was obvious she wasn't able to settle. We talked for a while about what might be concerning her...talked again about trusting the Lord...about talking to Him. I asked if she might like to listen to this guy I was listening to. He's pretty funny and was speaking about his kids which I thought she might like.

She pretty reluctantly agreed but soon started smiling along with me as we lay with our faces near each other, holding on to each other in the darkened room. Then giggles from her which, of course, caused her sisters to rise up to see what's going on. That made her relax even more. Mom and she shared a secret. Giggle, giggle. Her whole body sank into sleep as she listened because though Matt starts funny, interesting and even sarcastic and self-depreciating, it's not long before the truth of what he's saying penetrates deeply to the root of where I am turning from God. If you're like us, your body and mind quiet while the truth of God settles inside.

He's passionate about the Lord. His theology matches mine. His sarcasm makes me look kind. And his stories show that truth matters in real life. My kind of preacher.

Since that night, Brennan has gone to bed with earphones plugged in. She listens to the sermon from that first night over and over. She can literally quote most of it. But now she's heard almost everything he's ever said. She brings up the sermons when talking about life. She remembers them when she reads the Word. She tells me his points as well as her favorite lines as we drive together. But more than that, being under the Word through his teaching has settled the nights for her. As she listens, her mind shuts out the fears and fills with the Word. How grateful do you think I am for the gift of Matt Chandler to the church?

If you'd like to give him a listen click the link to the right under "Favorite People To Listen To". Brennan's favorite one is from 6.01.08 called "From Childish to Childlike". And when you get to the line, "That's old school, baby!"...think of her! That starts her laughing every time.

Another must hear is the series called The Cross (Parts 1-6). This was given between March and April of 2007. I can't recommend it strongly enough. I told this to Cassie shortly after Brennan began listening daily. She, I'm sure, thought like she always did when I tell her she's got to read this, listen to this, see this...Sure, Mom...whatever. I say it a lot. But she downloaded it to take on the Ukraine trip last summer with Wayne. She told me she thought she'd listen to them like Brennan does to go to sleep. Funny.

She griped at me when she got back for two reasons. First, she never got to sleep. How could I when they were so amazing?? And second, why didn't you tell me how great they were??? Everyone should listen to this!! I just said I was sorry. What can you do?

As I read back over this, you might get the impression that he's just a really good sleep aid! Promise that's not true. Even when Brennan does go to sleep during one, she immediately goes back to the last thing she remembers and starts from there. You won't want to miss anything he's teaching.

So, even though he is generally used to flay me open, I'm grateful...oh, so grateful...for the gift of teaching through Matt. Take a listen sometime and let me know if you agree. Tomorrow I'll let you know what I learned from 1 Timothy 4.

Heads up

Sometimes I think of things that I wish I had known as a young mom. This is one of them, though it falls on the lighter side of parenting. And yes, I know that I mentioned it here before, but it bears repeating...

Be careful about doing things two times in a row for your kids, especially on holidays.

Anything two times in a row.

Sometimes you'll mean to. You've got something that you're longing to impart to them so you start doing something special around Christmas or their birthday. I promise that if you do, it's stuck. It doesn't take much. But sometimes, you won't mean to. You won't even remember what you did last year. But they will.

That's why tonight the girls are getting helium balloons and chocolate for Valentine's Day. Not because there was some grand plan to teach them something profound about love...but because one night at about 11pm on the day before Valentine's, Wayne and I remember that we had NOTHING to give the girls the next morning. Thus a trip to Wal-Mart's decimated aisles where we got the only things left...balloons and chocolate. They loved it so much that we remembered the balloons the next year. And who doesn't do chocolate. But that was years ago. You'd think they'd clamor for something better now. But no. Last week I overheard them talking to each other.

Can't wait to get my balloon, said Brennan.
And chocolate, said Aisley.
Yeah and remember we get a gift card, too, Brennan added.

A gift card? When did I throw that in? I ask.
Mom. Seriously. I hear back. You always get us a gift card.
Mom, the other adds, you know that. She's just being funny.

Well, no. I wasn't. But thinking back...sure enough...for the last couple of years we've gotten them various gift cards because frankly I'm tired of the junk that accumulates in my house and at least Chik-fil-a is consumable. Also, that's the only way they'd ever get Starbucks from me because there is something about paying $4 for a drink that rubs me wrong!

So there you have it. Balloons, chocolate and gift cards. Now the trick is to figure out some amazingly deep spiritual analogy that will make them think of Christ instead of consumerism and modern day romance. Any ideas, let me know. For now, I better start thinking about what we did for Easter the last couple of years...

Losing it

I thought it would be a cool picture if I could get their shadows on the water. And by the way, this is Texas in December...so, no...it wasn't cold. It was 78 degrees and sunny! Until the next day...but just wait! It'll be warm by Tuesday. Anyway...so here's how it went...

Me: Girls, just walk in the water a little so I can see your shadows.
Girls walk in carefully...icky moss on the rocks and cold water causes lots of protests and girly noises by Aisley which sets off this from Brennan...


Which brought about this from all...


Me: Okay, girls...that's enough...so of course...

Yeah...hair fixing time from the older two...Bren is still oblivious to things like that, but it won't be long! So, off we go...1, 2...nope...

Aisley loses it...but by now Bren (who started it all, remember?) has had enough...so though still laughing...

She's calling a halt...well until the frog jumped in...


Finally...Mean Mom comes out: Girls...for REAL! Stop it. Now.


Yes...you can see the fear in their eyes, can't you? All that just to get this...


Not sure this picture is any good, but I love the rest of them! Making memories, right girls?

Christmas card preview

Yes. I know. Christmas is in just a few days.

But we just got around to taking these for the card. Read just a few posts below this to find out some of why that's happening...and then add a couple of cakes for friends on top!


I'm having a hard time deciding what will go on the card.


But I'm sure the girls will tell me.

Why blogging is hard this week...

1. Cassie's home...being a senior means no finals...which means that the computer is constantly occupied as she practices what this generation thinks of as community. Who knew that sitting alone in a room, staring at a screen would ever count as building relationships??
   
2. Teacher's gifts...if like me you sort of forgot for a while that you hoped to bless your kids' teachers, this recipe placed in a colorful bag is always a huge hit...and as mentioned we will, of course, always share the recipe...for a bit of a curve on that last test...
3. Bren is under the weather again...and is still young enough to want Mama to hover.
4. Choir practice with Bren, choir concerts with the other girls, basketball games, finals to help Aisley study for, Christmas buying, gift wrapping, something to do each night from 8 days ago until 4 days from now!
5. Time must be made to be in His Word so that all this stays fun and exciting and blessed instead of one more chore to deal with.

Sound like your house?

Cassie

It's here, Mom. I know we said we weren't going to talk about it, but it's time.

Cassie is 18!!

As it got closer and closer people all around me have remarked that they can't believe it...she can't be. Then they'll ask Can you believe it? Well, yeah. It has been 18 years after all. But I understand what they're saying...time flies, doesn't it? Though who I was 18 years ago...fresh from graduating from college just two short weeks before her delivery...having been married 1 year and 1 month...having no idea what I was doing with my life much less guiding a baby girl's life...but that seems like ages and ages ago. In large part who I am today is because of God using Cassie's presence in my life. Kids make you grow up fast, don't they?

So here are some of the things about Cassie that touch me as I look back on who God gifted to our family...

• Cassie has two volumes of speaking...loud and excited loud. I used to think maybe her ears were constantly clogged because she usually speaks as if she's got headphones on.

• She also is in constant motion...even when in a casual setting. Whether fiddling with her rings, messing with the charm on a necklace, tucking her hair back or using dramatic gestures for the littlest things, Cassie exudes energy. You might think she was nervous, but it won't take you long to realize that that's not it. When she's nervous, she's irritated because she can't stand that she's nervous!
  

• What this translates to for the rest of the family is a sense of expectation when you know Cassie's around. There's always the possibility of something happening...to use Cassie words: something that's amazing, hilarious or so much fun.

• When the girls and I would be waiting to pick her up from school, we'd see her get close and start to grin. It would have been so quiet in the car...quiet talking, someone reading...happy, content, relaxed. But then one of us would spy Cass and it's like a force you knew was coming. We sort of geared up for the entrance of life.

• Until, that is, you catch her in the early part of the morning. She's definitely a night person which made the switch to public school a more difficult one. Homeschooling, we could allow her to sleep until whenever. Then came 6:30am volleyball practices. Cassie's alarm would go off. I'd hear her stumble around and out she'd come. She'd head straight for me and demand that I hold her...in my lap!...while she stretched out on top of me. Worked great until she was taller than me. But still she'd do it every morning. I learned to move my Bible reading from the chair to the couch. It's hard to catch her willing just to be still any other time which is why I never minded...until I couldn't stand the lack of oxygen from the weight of her.

• She loves people. I don't just mean being around a crowd. I mean she loves people. Loves talking to them, being around them, learning about them, watching them...she'll do it everywhere. I'm usually on a mission when I'm out. A hunter, not a gatherer when I shop. Cassie's neither. Shopping is what you do so you can be with people.

• Cassie believes in the age old principle that it's better to give than to receive...but she applies it to words. We're learning though, right Cassie?! And part of why she's growing in listening is because she's becoming more and more aware that God has built into her years of learning about who He is and the hope that there is to be found in Him. I've been so privileged to watch her grow to awareness that she has gifts, talents, wisdom to share with others and to grow at the same time in awareness that you must know the need in others to know how best to serve them in the gospel. Girls look to her for help, advice and fellowship. She's taking that seriously...and I'm so grateful to see it.

• There's also a growth in her that touches my heart and that is her continuing to see her sisters as part of those girls who desire her company. How easy it is to serve outside your home. How hard it is to begin first with those God has given us in our every day lives. As Aisley and Brennan have gotten older, she's pulled them more into her world. Watching her drive off with Aisley to drop her off at school makes me smile because I know how much it means to Aisley...especially this last year before college.

• She's efficient, loves to serve, gets the job done...

• She's a procrastinator, hates opened ended projects, is impatient with delays...

• She's loving, affectionate, generous...

• She hides well the deepest part of herself, is often more burdened than anyone knows...

• She's soft hearted and empathetic...weeps with anyone who's weeping!

• She's self-contained...doesn't want others to see her weep...

So, she's complicated? She's a woman! Now, it's allowed, right? Even expected. But like the best woman, all this is just what makes her amazing, hilarious and so much fun. It is a joy to know her, but it's a privilege that I could never deserve to be her mom.

I feel so grateful today, Cassie...I know my Savior better because He gave me you.
I love you.

If you give our Cassie a camera...

One of the best things we've ever purchased for our girls is a digital camera. They all have one now which at the time seemed like excess. Now we are so grateful. Every trip is documented from a completely different point of view. We think about the age of 5 or 6 is a great time to get started...unless they are still using objects as weapons.

Cassie and Wayne both had cameras in the Ukraine. I was looking for a specific picture and came across this small sampling from Cassie's memory card. It's not that I've not taken pictures of the same things from time to time. But my shots tend to be of the action going on. Cassie's are like still life. We can count on it, no matter where she goes, Cassie will come back with pictures of these four things...

Food...

Cassie says this is a piece of fish...sure it is...

On the other hand, maybe instead of worrying
about what we'll eat in the Ukraine,
we need to worry about not eating everything put in front of us!

Animals...

Not the friendliest greeting Cass has ever gotten!

I wouldn't have even noticed this one,
but you can count on hearing from my girls:

Ooooohhhh! Mom, it's a puppy!

Nature/Buildings...



Friends...

Sarah, Molly and Cassie...on their way!

I just love to watch when they're messing around...

Children draw Cassie like a magnet...

First days...Last days

Today was a day we've been working toward for years here at Ransleben Academy. Aisley is off to school! She began her 7th grade year this morning joining a few hundred others at Bonham Middle School. For those who don't know, we've been homeschooling her throughout her life. She was excited, if a little pale, as she left the van. But athletics was first period and there's nothing more familiar to her than gymnasiums and coaches. Then she has the next two classes with Kelly who's been her friend since they were 20 months old and in the same nursery class at church. We also met a couple of teachers who already expressed their faith in Christ and welcomed her as a former homeschooler. All this to say, God has been abundant in providing a way for her to thrive there.

As if that weren't enough, today marked the beginning of the end of Cassie's high school years. And to further mark the moment, it was the first time that I didn't take her to school since this summer she received this blessing. Twenty years of talking to seniors has shown us that this will be one of the quickest years of her life...and ours. Every thing that happens is marked by the words: This is the last... Last time for school pictures. Last homecoming. Last first day of high school. There isn't one day since she became a senior that we don't think in terms of her leaving. Plans for next summer, what stuff to keep in her room, what clothes we buy, what kind of car we purchase, how to change a tire and check the oil, why it's important to separate colors from whites...all of it happens with a view to sending her off, Lord willing.

Two big moments in our lives...but now that it's here, it is both more and less than I had imagined. It feels very momentous to have them both gone...and very strange to have just Brennan sitting at the table finishing up her World History lesson. The quiet is quieter than I thought it would be. I'm more grateful than ever to be able to give Brennan all of my attention. There is so much less to distract her as she moves from subject to subject. I've never been able to teach in that kind of environment. It's really, really nice.

But though I miss them today, it's less emotional than I thought it would be. No tears yet. I think it's because it feels today like it's time. Time to send off. Time to test out what God has been building in them. Time to have them go off and come back to tell about what they've seen and done. Time to grant them the opportunity to see Jesus for themselves as the Christ, the Son of the Living God and to praise God for giving them what flesh and blood could never reveal.

You often hear older moms exhort the younger to take advantage of all the time you have with your kids because the years fly by. I can echo that, but am still close enough to those younger years to remember how long the days are. Long days...fast years. That's what I remember. But through it all, Wayne and I have struggled to discipline ourselves to the challenge of not just parenting in the moment, but preparing to launch the girls for life. It changed the focus of what we might have said so many times.

It's one thing just to solve a dispute between sisters in a way that gets them quiet for a few minutes. Another to settle it in a way that gives them the communication skills to talk to their future husbands and children in a way that honors the Lord. It's one thing to do their laundry. Another to take the time to teach why it's done in a certain way. It matters less how I spend our money than to show them by spending our money where our treasure lies.

We started them off homeschooling not to keep them away from "out there"...but to give us a chance to spend as much time as possible getting them ready to go out there. God tells us in Psalm 127:3-5:

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

We feel strongly that Cassie and Aisley are sharp enough to be shot out...not too far yet though. We still want to be able to gather them up again. Find out where they need honing. See where we can strengthen. Make sure they are aimed right. And give us the practice we need to launch them further and further away...maybe even halfway around the world.

But that's another day. Today a few miles away is plenty far enough for me.

A little Acts 2 in our lives

It is with great joy that the saving for and searching for Cassie's car is finally finished! We have thought, prayed and talked about this for probably more than 4 years. She's been saving her money from babysitting jobs since she was in 8th grade. Wayne and I contributed an equal share.

But the truth is, it couldn't have happened without more than a little help from our friends. I was reminded today that the gifts of God when used by the body of Christ are the actual means God uses to administer His grace to His people. This is truly the case for us in the purchase of this car. How small a thing our daily lives can be...just sleeping and eating, cleaning and talking, purchasing and consuming. But if we break forth from the day that consumes us and step back just a little...then we get it...God is everywhere, in everything...and demands glory through it all.

Today I want to step back to give Him praise for revealing His manifold grace to our family...and especially to Cassie. She's a great babysitter...in high demand. But no one is worth what she made from some of the families who paid her. She would come home with these checks that startled us. Her eyes would be wide as she told us so many nights that she tried to get them to take it back, but they were adamant.

Aren't you saving for a car, Cassie? they'd ask. Well, yeah, but still... she'd reply. We love you. You've blessed our family so often. Let us help you. God has blessed us. Let us do the same for you.

Can you believe it? she'd ask us with tears in her eyes. Those checks she devoted to the Lord and to the car alone. She knew that it was a gift with purpose. And because He is so gracious to open her eyes to see it, she also knew that she was a living recipient of the kind of church that began 2000 years ago. For example, Acts 2:44-45:

And all who believed were together and had all things in common.
And they were selling their possessions and belongings
and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.

Then because He's just that kind of God, Wayne had a surprising day off and they went to see what they could find.




TA-DA!












We were so grateful when we learned of this one. Just the kind of good gas mileage car that by God's continuing grace will get her through college. And Wildcat blue! (Wayne said that she turned the corner, saw the car and said in a quiet, excited and almost little girl's voice: Daddy, it's blue! Oh, I like it! Can I have it? It was like she was three again and walking into her first Toys-R-Us. Cute.) One problem though...isn't there always a hitch?...it was about $3000 more than we had. Add tax, title and license...not to mention the extra $900 just to pay the insurance for six months...and we're out of our range. What to do?

Wayne and I talked, prayed, thought, pondered, looked again at the budget...and with the advice of a couple of people we trusted, went ahead and did it. Took out a loan for the remainder to be paid off, we had figured, by Christmas. Not too bad, we thought. Cassie beamed when she ran in to tell me to come see! We were all so excited.

Then God shook us up again. In the past two weeks, He has added blessing to blessing. Generosity to generosity. And has arranged for us to pay it off, not in December like we first thought...nor in November like we thought a few days later after one gracious gift...nor in October after another unexpected receiving. No...how about next month? Yep. Six weeks from now.

And we especially appreciate how he did it. Not from one place or one family or even from just those who love us. God reminded us He can move anyone at anytime He chooses after we received a notice from the IRS that they were so happy to tell us that their numbers didn't add up and we could expect a check in a couple of weeks. He sent money from such unexpected places for one reason: so that we would not get confused and think either Wow! Look how smart we are! Or Wow! Look how great they are! Or especially not a mild That's good.

No. God sent it like this so we would be astounded at Him. We see the good works of all those around us clearly...their generosity...their honesty...their openness to share...believers and unbelievers. But though grateful, we are not confused. Our praise is for our Father who is in heaven and knows how to give His children good gifts. Now comes the living it out in our lives...generosity...honesty...openness with our possessions...willing to be an instrument of grace in another's life. A return to Him not for the car, but the cross which enables us to receive grace from our Father instead of the wrath we so diligently earned.

Update on Cassie

She's doing great! They had no bad moments really...just sat in a stuffy hotel room watching everything blow! She said it was amazing to be in...though that will do her for another 18 years. I, for one, am glad to hear it!

It was kind of fun to get to call her throughout it and get updates on what the damage was and what it was like. Much different than when I was her age and dependent on landlines.

They have decided since power will be out for an indefinite period of time to leave today to go to San Antonio...which might sound like fun, except that our whole family will be there starting this weekend! She'll be our advance scout, I guess. I'm hoping she got pictures for us...we'll let you know...

We are grateful that God chose once again to keep her here for a while longer! He gives and takes away...and no matter which He chooses, His Name is to be blessed...

Building up by digging deep

Mark & Amy, Sarah, Molly, Cassie and Wayne

As I mentioned last week, Wayne and Cassie returned from the Ukraine. In the beginning the thought was that our sister church in Bila Tserkva (about 30 miles southwest of Kiev) would have their new campsite completed and our team would join them to put on a camp for kids. Then about a week before leaving, they learned they would instead be working in order to get the camp ready for kids to come later. So, out went the playdoh and in came the work gloves and clippers.

When I think of a camp, I think of cabins for sleeping...a larger area for meeting...a kitchen and eating area...maybe a nice outdoor rec area. That's pretty much what Wayne found last year when he went and worked a camp with them. But that one was just rented for the time they were there. Now they have their own...or rather they're building their own. One day they'll have it all, God willing. But for now they have just the skeleton of it.

The sleeping cabins... Wayne's the guy in jeans walking in. The ladder got you to the only place there was cell reception!


It was ironic to me that last year it was mostly guys on the trip...Mark and Amy's two sons, Alex and Nick, went along. They got to play with the kids. This year it's construction and God put together a group of girls to go. I'm so grateful to say that Amy said the girls did a great job clearing the soccer field...literally by scooping up one shovelful at a time and clearing out the weeds, grass and rocks.


The youth pastor from our "niece" church praying at the camp (our sister church has planted a church!).





The Ukrainian youth girls took what he was sitting on, these huge pillars made of brick and concrete, hammered the bricks apart, sorted the materials and made...






Ukrainian building supplies...








Wayne and Mark had another job...digging trenches. This is where the language barrier can be a little frustrating. They were shown with hand signs to dig a trench but couldn't quite get the idea of what it was being built for. Later they realized that they needed not only lines for plumbing and electricity (neither of which was available this trip), but they were mostly building retaining walls for the pad that the cabins were sitting on. Some of the columns were left intact and lifted by crane into the trenches and then re-filled with dirt. They are amazing at using what they have to do what they need done.

It's wonderful what the Lord can do when His people get together. Our team went really not knowing what they'd be doing, not speaking the language...and returned missing friends already. Wayne came home talking about what we could do as a family next year there. What supplies we'd need and how much Russian we can learn between now and next summer. Cassie is helping me with my pronunciation of what she's picked up already. The trip has grown her, changed her, firmed up so much of what God has been showing her. Aisley just came over my shoulder to say, "I can't wait to get there and see everyone." Brennan is so excited to finally go.

And me? It's just the answer to a prayer begun over 8 years ago for God to reach my husband and give him a heart for the global church that he might lead our family into missions in some way. That's all. Now it's easy to see how He has prepared Wayne all of his life to do this very thing. So, I'm so grateful to God they went...I'm grateful that He saw fit to bring them home again...and I am crying even now in gratitude that He might give us a heart to go again. We are no different than anyone else, stuck in this day-to-day distraction. Every now and then, though, by His grace, our eyes lift to the end and we remember why we've been left and what we're to be about...

And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:18-20

And what we are working towards...

After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, "Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!" And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, "Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

Rest in a storm

(UPDATE: I just realized that the nifty little picture I had from the National Hurricane Center was updating itself...great idea...unless, of course, like me you wanted to show just the one shot! Here's the one I meant it to have.)

See that "H" on top of the red border of Texas? The spot where they're expecting the hurricane to hit? Yeah. That's where Cassie is...South Padre Island. She's on her annual trip with our good friends, the Cables. He attends a medical conference and brings along his wife and three boys. Cassie has joined them for the last 3 or 4 years to babysit so they get some alone time and Jill gets help with three amazingly energetic boys!

So...my baby in a hurricane zone...what would you do? Where does your mind go to find rest? How would you sleep at night? How much TV would you watch to track the storm??

I could rest today in the wisdom of Christian Cable to see to their safety...he is an oncologist, after all...a smart, wise man who knows the value of life, loves his family, cares greatly for Cassie. I could trust in the wisdom of those in charge of the evacuations down there. They've been through this before and learned many lessons from Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. I could even think about Cassie. She's a great young woman, wise in her understanding of situations like this. She's definitely one to look to in a crisis, level headed, can-do personality, caretaker.

But this is futile thinking and will bring no peace. It was never meant to. Weighing the situation to determine the wisest course of action is one thing. Placing my trust in the wisdom of man to alleviate my fears is another. The Bible is clear:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Thinking about situations and weighing options are different than leaning on them...what I can see can not bear my weight. It will not hold me up...especially in my fear. It is one thing to think about the Cables and Cassie. It is another to make what I know my place of rest. God alone will be my rest and He will not give that glory to another. But He's not surprised that I try again and again to turn to others instead of Him for rest and confidence. He told me I would...

For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and in trust shall be your strength."
But you were unwilling...
Isaiah 30:15

To know God is to know our only place of rest, of quietness, of trust...but I am often so unwilling. This morning He was gracious to me as He caused me to arise with His Word in my mind. Here's what the Lord reminded me of...

Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said, "Thus far shall you come, and no farther and here shall your proud waves be stayed"?

Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?

Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain and a way for the thunderbolt, to bring rain on a land where no man is, on the desert in which there is no man, to satisfy the waste and desolate land, and to make the ground sprout with grass?

Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say, "Here we are"?

Job 38:8-11, 16, 25-27, 34-35

So, I went to His Word and read all of Elihu's words in chapters 36-37 and then kept reading to the end of Job. I needed not understanding of my world and certainly not a better understanding of the storm, but a reminder of who God is. I needed to ask myself: Who is this God I serve? Theology...the study of God...is of no value if it doesn't inform us, change us...especially in our fears.

This doesn't mean that there are not decisions to be made today as Cassie plays on the beach even as I write these words. But it does mean that my perspective of that storm has changed. I feel no fear for my eyes have seen the Lord of Glory and I am undone. By His grace alone, I will not walk according to what I can see, but by faith in the One who made this all to be.