I loved this video...it's message and the graphics...but what I especially loved was that it told the story of my life...well, if you could insert "family woman" into the story. (I wasn't a man...promise.) But the life I wanted is far, far, far from what I have...and I couldn't be more grateful. God knew me so much better than I knew myself...how thankful I am for all the times He said no to my prayers...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Words for the Wind
Piper on Job, Part 2
During the first message, Piper reached the section of Job 2 after the sores covered his body...
"What's the result? His wife can't take it anymore...I have a lot of sympathy for this woman. And I think the author and Job do too because of the wording here. I mean, she's just lost her kids, alright? Ten children. And she's watched her husband who valiantly worshiped God be struck with boils. This is not easy. We're going to cut her a lot of slack, right? And if words come out of her mouth...there's this beautiful verse in chapter six that talks about 'words for the wind'. 'Will you judge a man for words that are wind?'
There are a lot of words for the wind in the midst of tragedy. Pastors need to discern what are words for the wind...and he doesn't correct them. He just let's them go off into the wind. He knows they will say better tomorrow."
Then after Job's wife says to curse God and die...
"But he (Job) said to her...now here's what he did not say: 'You are one of the foolish women.' He said: 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak.' I think that's intentional. Giving her a break. 'You're not one of them, honey! This isn't you!'"
This comment on Job's wife was one of those moments that stick for a long time. All of our group mentioned it later and told of the impact this section of the conference had on us. I will admit...I've never had much sympathy for her. I never put myself in her place. I never cut her much slack. She just went into the category of the three friends and off I'd go until Elihu speaks in chapter 32. How grateful I am for this perspective.
Piper refers to Job 6:26 (NASB)...
I can't do it anymore. I can't. I quit.
I want him gone. I'll never be able to forgive him.
There's no reason for me to even be here any more. I just want the pain to be over.
That's it. Forget it. If this is the kind of God He is...then never mind. I don't want anything to do with him.
And those are just my words. I've heard so many others from women in deep pain...one just yesterday. She can't see the way through. Why would God continue to pour grief upon grief? Nothing is working...it just seems to be getting worse and worse. And God isn't doing anything! If He loved me, wouldn't He do something? Why, Kim? Why isn't He helping me? I don't want to be here. I want this over. I'm so tired. Sobbing followed for long minutes...
Words for the wind. She knows the Lord. She's loved Him and served Him for many decades. She's just overwhelmed...and will be again. The tide did turn during our conversation. I was able to speak gentle truth to her (keeping in mind yesterday's post). I didn't berate her for her words...I just showed her His hand. Reminded her of the Cross and that Jesus is a man acquainted with grief and full of sorrows. That she has a sympathetic High Priest who is able to help her in her time of need. And held her as I said I'm sorry...over and over and over and over...
If the theology continues to be bad in six months or a year when the grief has abated a little? We'll work together to see the Lord clearly. There's time for mourning and words for the wind...there will be a time for laughing and rejoicing in our Father again. I want to be there for both.
And like the words Piper put in Job's mouth...This isn't her. This isn't who she is. She loves the Lord. She trusts Him. How do I know? She belongs to Him. I can remain completely confident not in her, but in God's ability to finish what He began. Did you know that God Himself is bringing her to completion? God Himself will sanctify her completely...her whole soul and body and spirit will be kept blameless until the Day Christ returns. It's true. He wrote it in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24. And the very last words seal it...He is faithful. He will do it.
It's my job to remain confident in His ability to bring everyone to the end...to see them not for who they are, but for who He is making them to be. To see not their grief, but their hope. Not their windy words, but their final proclamation that Jesus Christ is Lord. All I need to hear is their heart and know these words are a measure of their pain. They are not meant to make me worried, but compassionate...not angry, but seeing to the depths of their suffering and believing for them that He who began this good work is faithful to complete it until He comes again.
Like the friends who lowered their friend on the mat...sometimes in the midst of suffering, it is our faith that makes them well...if I can get out of the way enough...and bring out Jesus enough...and wait with them until the healing of the Lord comes...and let their words go to the wind.
During the first message, Piper reached the section of Job 2 after the sores covered his body...
"What's the result? His wife can't take it anymore...I have a lot of sympathy for this woman. And I think the author and Job do too because of the wording here. I mean, she's just lost her kids, alright? Ten children. And she's watched her husband who valiantly worshiped God be struck with boils. This is not easy. We're going to cut her a lot of slack, right? And if words come out of her mouth...there's this beautiful verse in chapter six that talks about 'words for the wind'. 'Will you judge a man for words that are wind?'
There are a lot of words for the wind in the midst of tragedy. Pastors need to discern what are words for the wind...and he doesn't correct them. He just let's them go off into the wind. He knows they will say better tomorrow."
Then after Job's wife says to curse God and die...
"But he (Job) said to her...now here's what he did not say: 'You are one of the foolish women.' He said: 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak.' I think that's intentional. Giving her a break. 'You're not one of them, honey! This isn't you!'"
This comment on Job's wife was one of those moments that stick for a long time. All of our group mentioned it later and told of the impact this section of the conference had on us. I will admit...I've never had much sympathy for her. I never put myself in her place. I never cut her much slack. She just went into the category of the three friends and off I'd go until Elihu speaks in chapter 32. How grateful I am for this perspective.
Piper refers to Job 6:26 (NASB)...
Do you intend to reprove my words,
When the words of one in despair belong to the wind?
In the heat of the moment...when the impact of the suffering is still raging...when the news has just hit...when the pressure is still on...we all speak "words that are for the wind". Words that reflect our panic, our pain, our grief, our worry, our discouragement, our anger...but do not reflect our hope. Like Peter our eyes see the storm and not the Lord in the storm with us. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I quit.
I want him gone. I'll never be able to forgive him.
There's no reason for me to even be here any more. I just want the pain to be over.
That's it. Forget it. If this is the kind of God He is...then never mind. I don't want anything to do with him.
And those are just my words. I've heard so many others from women in deep pain...one just yesterday. She can't see the way through. Why would God continue to pour grief upon grief? Nothing is working...it just seems to be getting worse and worse. And God isn't doing anything! If He loved me, wouldn't He do something? Why, Kim? Why isn't He helping me? I don't want to be here. I want this over. I'm so tired. Sobbing followed for long minutes...
Words for the wind. She knows the Lord. She's loved Him and served Him for many decades. She's just overwhelmed...and will be again. The tide did turn during our conversation. I was able to speak gentle truth to her (keeping in mind yesterday's post). I didn't berate her for her words...I just showed her His hand. Reminded her of the Cross and that Jesus is a man acquainted with grief and full of sorrows. That she has a sympathetic High Priest who is able to help her in her time of need. And held her as I said I'm sorry...over and over and over and over...
If the theology continues to be bad in six months or a year when the grief has abated a little? We'll work together to see the Lord clearly. There's time for mourning and words for the wind...there will be a time for laughing and rejoicing in our Father again. I want to be there for both.
And like the words Piper put in Job's mouth...This isn't her. This isn't who she is. She loves the Lord. She trusts Him. How do I know? She belongs to Him. I can remain completely confident not in her, but in God's ability to finish what He began. Did you know that God Himself is bringing her to completion? God Himself will sanctify her completely...her whole soul and body and spirit will be kept blameless until the Day Christ returns. It's true. He wrote it in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24. And the very last words seal it...He is faithful. He will do it.
It's my job to remain confident in His ability to bring everyone to the end...to see them not for who they are, but for who He is making them to be. To see not their grief, but their hope. Not their windy words, but their final proclamation that Jesus Christ is Lord. All I need to hear is their heart and know these words are a measure of their pain. They are not meant to make me worried, but compassionate...not angry, but seeing to the depths of their suffering and believing for them that He who began this good work is faithful to complete it until He comes again.
Like the friends who lowered their friend on the mat...sometimes in the midst of suffering, it is our faith that makes them well...if I can get out of the way enough...and bring out Jesus enough...and wait with them until the healing of the Lord comes...and let their words go to the wind.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Hallelujah!
IT'S HERE!!
I'm so thrilled that this morning the doorbell rang and the Fed-Ex guy dropped off a package with my gift from Mom...my ESV Study Bible! YIPPEE!
And inside is a precious second gift to me...another Bible for Wayne. It's a good mama who builds up not only her daughter, but her daughter's house. We don't take lightly all that you do to bless us, Mom. And the gift of the Word is the best you could do.
I'm so very grateful today! Thank you!
I'm so thrilled that this morning the doorbell rang and the Fed-Ex guy dropped off a package with my gift from Mom...my ESV Study Bible! YIPPEE!
And inside is a precious second gift to me...another Bible for Wayne. It's a good mama who builds up not only her daughter, but her daughter's house. We don't take lightly all that you do to bless us, Mom. And the gift of the Word is the best you could do.
I'm so very grateful today! Thank you!
Good theology...hurt people
Piper on Job, Part 1
So, you know now that we attended Desiring God's Regional Conference on Job. I'm going to spend the next several posts thinking through some of the content most meaningful to me. I'll start with a quote or thought and move from there.
On Job's friends..."They got it so right theologically...mostly...and so wrong practically."
"True theology can hurt people very badly."
"True theological statements can cause harm and become false in their application and destructive in the mouths of fools."
It's always been so easy for me to dismiss those three friends in Job. All they did was pick a theme (What have you done wrong, Job?) and beat it into the ground. Now I see that I am them. Piper pointed out that they mostly got it right. You can find Scripture after Scripture that says exactly what they say. Righteous people are blessed...wicked are punished. Rahab at Jericho. Daniel. David over Saul. (And to cut them some slack, they didn't have ANY of the Scriptures. Imagine how much we'd get wrong without this Word that we take for granted so easily.)
It is not enough to know truth. We must also pray for the wisdom to use it rightly. Proverbs 25:11 says A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. It's not the word. It's when and how it's spoken.
And you'd think I'd get this because I can remember the sermons that led to us leaving the church. We had moved when I was going into the sixth grade to a small west Texas town where we weren't known. We had begun attending a small church outside of town. There were probably 10 kids in the entire youth program. Then change again...after years of strife and unfaithfulness, Dad was leaving and they were getting divorced. As I was in Jr. High, this wasn't a shock to me nor even unwelcome. Back then there were very few divorces and you could only get one for a few reasons. When it happened, it was shocking. I can name only a few friends whose parents were divorced and can distinctly remember that the reaction was like a death in the family. We were all shocked, saddened...didn't know what to say to them. Then it was our turn. It caused a huge turmoil in our family. We tried to keep living life...school, activities, church, youth stuff.
Then came that Sunday...small Texas towns post updates on the town each week. Who got a speeding ticket in town...who got arrested last night...who applied for a marriage license...who reported stolen property...and who was getting divorced. I think I remember Mom telling us that it came out, that now everyone knew. When we walked across the parking lot, I just remember feeling uncomfortable, butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what it meant that everyone knew. At first it didn't seem any different. I went to class then on to service. Just like always. Until the sermon started. You guessed it...divorce...the damage it does...the sin that it is...repent, repent, repent.
Then came the visit from some of the men in the church. Men who had never been in our home before. Men who had no idea what life was like for us. The message was the same. Repent. I remember the tears of hurt and anger from Mom. I remember the feelings of rage in me. I think I probably went back for a few more times, youth stuff mostly. But that was the last time that I felt like I had a church home. I didn't attend a church again on a regular basis until Cassie was about 18 months old...10 years later. And when I did, I was wary.
I get it now. They weren't trying to harm us. They had the truth...divorce is wrong...it is not what God intended for what He joined together. I stand with them in that theology...but they, like Job's friends, had the right thoughts with the wrong heart. And I know I've followed after them more than once.
God told us to weep with those who weep...to comfort those who are afflicted with the very comfort you yourself have received. When Jesus saw people who were suffering, He didn't just preach a sermon. He had compassion and stayed until it was late to relieve it. And when He came to friends who were grieving, He only asked them to remember who He was while He wept with them because He was moved by their tears.
There is a time for truth and we must be ready with it. God can stand up to the hard questions we have. He is more than sufficient for our every fear and our every challenge. And we must be also. There are large truths that will steady us in the storms of life and have soothed my heart as I've come through suffering. But the delivery of those truths matters as much as the truths themselves. For in speaking for God with the truth of God, we must take care to represent Him not only in word, but in countenance...not only in deed, but in emotion. Then people near us can taste and see that He is good...and ready to meet them as a refuge in their pain.
So, you know now that we attended Desiring God's Regional Conference on Job. I'm going to spend the next several posts thinking through some of the content most meaningful to me. I'll start with a quote or thought and move from there.
On Job's friends..."They got it so right theologically...mostly...and so wrong practically."
"True theology can hurt people very badly."
"True theological statements can cause harm and become false in their application and destructive in the mouths of fools."
It's always been so easy for me to dismiss those three friends in Job. All they did was pick a theme (What have you done wrong, Job?) and beat it into the ground. Now I see that I am them. Piper pointed out that they mostly got it right. You can find Scripture after Scripture that says exactly what they say. Righteous people are blessed...wicked are punished. Rahab at Jericho. Daniel. David over Saul. (And to cut them some slack, they didn't have ANY of the Scriptures. Imagine how much we'd get wrong without this Word that we take for granted so easily.)
It is not enough to know truth. We must also pray for the wisdom to use it rightly. Proverbs 25:11 says A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. It's not the word. It's when and how it's spoken.
And you'd think I'd get this because I can remember the sermons that led to us leaving the church. We had moved when I was going into the sixth grade to a small west Texas town where we weren't known. We had begun attending a small church outside of town. There were probably 10 kids in the entire youth program. Then change again...after years of strife and unfaithfulness, Dad was leaving and they were getting divorced. As I was in Jr. High, this wasn't a shock to me nor even unwelcome. Back then there were very few divorces and you could only get one for a few reasons. When it happened, it was shocking. I can name only a few friends whose parents were divorced and can distinctly remember that the reaction was like a death in the family. We were all shocked, saddened...didn't know what to say to them. Then it was our turn. It caused a huge turmoil in our family. We tried to keep living life...school, activities, church, youth stuff.
Then came that Sunday...small Texas towns post updates on the town each week. Who got a speeding ticket in town...who got arrested last night...who applied for a marriage license...who reported stolen property...and who was getting divorced. I think I remember Mom telling us that it came out, that now everyone knew. When we walked across the parking lot, I just remember feeling uncomfortable, butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what it meant that everyone knew. At first it didn't seem any different. I went to class then on to service. Just like always. Until the sermon started. You guessed it...divorce...the damage it does...the sin that it is...repent, repent, repent.
Then came the visit from some of the men in the church. Men who had never been in our home before. Men who had no idea what life was like for us. The message was the same. Repent. I remember the tears of hurt and anger from Mom. I remember the feelings of rage in me. I think I probably went back for a few more times, youth stuff mostly. But that was the last time that I felt like I had a church home. I didn't attend a church again on a regular basis until Cassie was about 18 months old...10 years later. And when I did, I was wary.
I get it now. They weren't trying to harm us. They had the truth...divorce is wrong...it is not what God intended for what He joined together. I stand with them in that theology...but they, like Job's friends, had the right thoughts with the wrong heart. And I know I've followed after them more than once.
God told us to weep with those who weep...to comfort those who are afflicted with the very comfort you yourself have received. When Jesus saw people who were suffering, He didn't just preach a sermon. He had compassion and stayed until it was late to relieve it. And when He came to friends who were grieving, He only asked them to remember who He was while He wept with them because He was moved by their tears.
There is a time for truth and we must be ready with it. God can stand up to the hard questions we have. He is more than sufficient for our every fear and our every challenge. And we must be also. There are large truths that will steady us in the storms of life and have soothed my heart as I've come through suffering. But the delivery of those truths matters as much as the truths themselves. For in speaking for God with the truth of God, we must take care to represent Him not only in word, but in countenance...not only in deed, but in emotion. Then people near us can taste and see that He is good...and ready to meet them as a refuge in their pain.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
What a blessing
I'd love for you to check out the conference messages Piper did on Job. You can watch them, listen or read...but if I could talk you into it, please watch it. You'll get such a better feel for what was conveyed. I noticed already that much of what he said that hit home most wasn't on the script.
I'll blog more this week about some of what helped me most. But for now, I'm so grateful that I was able to share it with 14 brothers and sisters in Christ. Included there are my oldest, Cassie, who left it saying, "I wish I could get all my friends to something like this. It was amazing." Makes me tear up in gratitude.
I also can't wait to see the fruit of it in the 4 women from my Bible study who were there. What a gracious providence that we'll be talking about suffering this week. They got a crash course!
I'll blog more this week about some of what helped me most. But for now, I'm so grateful that I was able to share it with 14 brothers and sisters in Christ. Included there are my oldest, Cassie, who left it saying, "I wish I could get all my friends to something like this. It was amazing." Makes me tear up in gratitude.
I also can't wait to see the fruit of it in the 4 women from my Bible study who were there. What a gracious providence that we'll be talking about suffering this week. They got a crash course!
Piper's in TX
I was so blessed last night and helped throughout Dr. Piper's first talk on Job. And as they are amazing at this tech stuff you can read a transcript or listen to it here. I'll post more fully this afternoon, but here's some highlights from me as I sit and ponder without my notes:
When talking about Job's friends...good theology can really hurt people.
When thinking about God turning to Satan to say, "Have you considered my servant Job?"...Piper likened it to a thief entering a jewelry store and running into the owner. Instead of kicking him out, he turns to him and says, "Have you seen the biggest, most precious diamond I have? It's right out front, but it's locked. Here's the key."
Shortly after that...my paraphrase...God is not a bumbler. He doesn't say "Oops. Didn't mean to say that. And I sure didn't mean for that to happen."
On a side note, Piper talked about the compassion that he has for Job's wife. She had just lost 10 children...her husband that could do no wrong is covered with sores...all around her would be whispering the things that Job's friends would soon say (What have you done wrong, Job? God doesn't let things like this happen to good people.), but she knows that Job's not done anything wrong. He pointed out that he thinks Job's had a great deal of compassion for her too because he doesn't say that she was a foolish woman, but that she sounded like one.
Fun moment...Piper talks about the sores that are covering Job's body. They are described in the book as oozing, grimy with dirt...and filled with worms. Piper then said, "You don't know this kind of suffering." I turn to my dear sister who is with me and we smile. Oh, yes, she does. She and her infant daughter were covered with them! You have to wait weeks to wait until they are fully grown before you can get them out. You sit, feeling them wriggle inside you...eeek.
Later in chapter 6 he pointed out that Job says that there are words which are for the wind...words which are said in the heat of the moment of suffering which we as those trying to help don't need to correct. Let them just go to the wind. When they have been restored a little, they will know the difference. Job's wife's words are an example of these. Just comfort during this time.
Time to go to the conference again! Love Piper Day!
When talking about Job's friends...good theology can really hurt people.
When thinking about God turning to Satan to say, "Have you considered my servant Job?"...Piper likened it to a thief entering a jewelry store and running into the owner. Instead of kicking him out, he turns to him and says, "Have you seen the biggest, most precious diamond I have? It's right out front, but it's locked. Here's the key."
Shortly after that...my paraphrase...God is not a bumbler. He doesn't say "Oops. Didn't mean to say that. And I sure didn't mean for that to happen."
On a side note, Piper talked about the compassion that he has for Job's wife. She had just lost 10 children...her husband that could do no wrong is covered with sores...all around her would be whispering the things that Job's friends would soon say (What have you done wrong, Job? God doesn't let things like this happen to good people.), but she knows that Job's not done anything wrong. He pointed out that he thinks Job's had a great deal of compassion for her too because he doesn't say that she was a foolish woman, but that she sounded like one.
Fun moment...Piper talks about the sores that are covering Job's body. They are described in the book as oozing, grimy with dirt...and filled with worms. Piper then said, "You don't know this kind of suffering." I turn to my dear sister who is with me and we smile. Oh, yes, she does. She and her infant daughter were covered with them! You have to wait weeks to wait until they are fully grown before you can get them out. You sit, feeling them wriggle inside you...eeek.
Later in chapter 6 he pointed out that Job says that there are words which are for the wind...words which are said in the heat of the moment of suffering which we as those trying to help don't need to correct. Let them just go to the wind. When they have been restored a little, they will know the difference. Job's wife's words are an example of these. Just comfort during this time.
Time to go to the conference again! Love Piper Day!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Homecoming Queen
Here's a great story that happened last week in the town of Aledo, TX. Warning...I should have grabbed a tissue first. Click here to meet Aledo High's newest homecoming queen.
HT: Challies
HT: Challies
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
I want...I want...I want...
Oh, how expectations can kill my focus. It's one of the graces in my life that God has shown me how true this is, especially during football season. We have a school holiday, staff workday here today. Parent conferences all day long. But this year at the high school, they weren't going to start until 11am Wayne told me. But what about football practice? I asked. They usually bring the freshman up in the morning and do the varsity practice at the normal time in the afternoon. Nope. We've told the freshman, no practice. What?? So what do you have to do in the morning? He replies Sunday morning...nothing. I don't have to be there until 11am. I'll be home with y'all.
Wow. Really?? I was so thrilled. We canceled some plans we'd made. Cleared the calendar 'cause Daddy's home! Nothing comes before that! The ladies I was going to meet with were so glad for us. They are walking with me through this year. They understand what this means for us. (If you're not sure what it's like, just click here.) I took Aisley and Brennan to their babysitting job at a friend's house when the phone rang. It's Wayne. Couldn't be coming home already, could he? Wouldn't that be something! Early to come home and a morning off! How quick my bubble burst...coach just told them to be there at normal time tomorrow. No morning off.
My mind went immediately to the truth God had shown me so many years before. If I hadn't expected it, I'd have been fine. He's never home on a Monday morning. This one isn't any different. Except for that little expectation. So I had a fight last night with my flesh. The sons of Korah's words rang within me from Psalm 42:5-6...
What came to me as I lived and prayed with God that evening is how I cling to wanting what it is clear that God doesn't not want. Christ prayed in the garden...take this cup from me, yet not my will but yours be done. He went in sorrowful and troubled, the Word tells us. But He arose from that time, ready...willing...steadfast...strong. Rise, He told them, let's go.
What that says to me is that when He prayed "not my will, but your be done"...He meant it. He wanted what the Father wanted more than He wanted anything else. He went to His Father, asked for what He wanted...I did that, too. Father, I want Wayne home tomorrow. I want him to spend time with his girls. I want talk to him, tell him all that's been going on around us and within me. Please. Let him stay home. I even did that second part, just like Jesus. But Father, I want what you want more than anything. Sort of. Well, not really. Really, I just want Wayne home. I want what I can see. I want...I want...I want...
That was my battle last night. Competing wants. Do I want what the Father wants? Do I want anything more? What does it mean in me that I still want what the Father has said no to? It means that I don't know Him like my Savior knew Him. He's a good Father who knows how to give good gifts to His children. He loves me, loves my girls, loves my husband. He doesn't withhold any good thing from us. His plans prosper me, not harm me. He gave His Son to seal the argument...if He'll give up the treasure of heaven, will He not together with Him freely give me all things?
What this means is that my prayer continually must turn from give me to the prayer Jesus never prayed...Father, let me see you clearly so that I may love you truly and trust You in everything You do in my life. Give me sight Father to behold Your glory so that I might be changed into the likeness of Your Son just one degree. Give me satisfaction in You...in Your plans...in Your ways so that I might be one who looks like Jesus. Wean me, Father, from a desire for anything that is different than what you give that you might be my all...in all...all ways, all times, all places, all circumstances. Change my I want...to I want You. For the sake of Your Name.
Wow. Really?? I was so thrilled. We canceled some plans we'd made. Cleared the calendar 'cause Daddy's home! Nothing comes before that! The ladies I was going to meet with were so glad for us. They are walking with me through this year. They understand what this means for us. (If you're not sure what it's like, just click here.) I took Aisley and Brennan to their babysitting job at a friend's house when the phone rang. It's Wayne. Couldn't be coming home already, could he? Wouldn't that be something! Early to come home and a morning off! How quick my bubble burst...coach just told them to be there at normal time tomorrow. No morning off.
My mind went immediately to the truth God had shown me so many years before. If I hadn't expected it, I'd have been fine. He's never home on a Monday morning. This one isn't any different. Except for that little expectation. So I had a fight last night with my flesh. The sons of Korah's words rang within me from Psalm 42:5-6...
Why are you cast down, O my soul,Martyn Lloyd-Jones called that kind of talk "preaching to yourself". Take yourself in hand, he'd say. Question yourself. Pull yourself back from stumbling and turn your eyes back to God.
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
What came to me as I lived and prayed with God that evening is how I cling to wanting what it is clear that God doesn't not want. Christ prayed in the garden...take this cup from me, yet not my will but yours be done. He went in sorrowful and troubled, the Word tells us. But He arose from that time, ready...willing...steadfast...strong. Rise, He told them, let's go.
What that says to me is that when He prayed "not my will, but your be done"...He meant it. He wanted what the Father wanted more than He wanted anything else. He went to His Father, asked for what He wanted...I did that, too. Father, I want Wayne home tomorrow. I want him to spend time with his girls. I want talk to him, tell him all that's been going on around us and within me. Please. Let him stay home. I even did that second part, just like Jesus. But Father, I want what you want more than anything. Sort of. Well, not really. Really, I just want Wayne home. I want what I can see. I want...I want...I want...
That was my battle last night. Competing wants. Do I want what the Father wants? Do I want anything more? What does it mean in me that I still want what the Father has said no to? It means that I don't know Him like my Savior knew Him. He's a good Father who knows how to give good gifts to His children. He loves me, loves my girls, loves my husband. He doesn't withhold any good thing from us. His plans prosper me, not harm me. He gave His Son to seal the argument...if He'll give up the treasure of heaven, will He not together with Him freely give me all things?
What this means is that my prayer continually must turn from give me to the prayer Jesus never prayed...Father, let me see you clearly so that I may love you truly and trust You in everything You do in my life. Give me sight Father to behold Your glory so that I might be changed into the likeness of Your Son just one degree. Give me satisfaction in You...in Your plans...in Your ways so that I might be one who looks like Jesus. Wean me, Father, from a desire for anything that is different than what you give that you might be my all...in all...all ways, all times, all places, all circumstances. Change my I want...to I want You. For the sake of Your Name.
Friday, October 10, 2008
A turn around
In more ways that one...
Brennan and I finally had a day yesterday where no breathing treatments were needed.
The Wildcats won a game.
Hope was restored to a dear sister in need.
I woke to new mercies from our Father...Lamentations 3:19-26...
19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
20My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
21But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
to the soul who seeks him.
26It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Notice though what had not changed...both the Lord and Jeremiah's circumstances were the same. That's good for me to remember today. How much I love it when my hope is restored because my situation has changed...when the illness ends, the money matches the wants, the wounds are healed, the bitterness forgiven, the team wins...
But Jeremiah has found the truest help in his time of need. Not a different day, but a different view of God. Notice in verse 21 the discipline of pulling his thoughts back into line. He called it to mind. Thought hard about God. Who He is? What's He like?
Oh, yeah...that's right. The Lord is steadfast. His love never wavers. His mercies will never cease toward me or any of His people. Jehovah arises with blessing for us. He is faithful. Great is His faithfulness.
But notice now what changed everything within Jeremiah. In verse 24, he gives me a further instruction. Not only did he discipline his mind to think on God, but what Jeremiah saw of God was more than thoughts, more than words. They became his portion. His treasure. His truest good. His highest goal. His only hope.
John Piper wrote a book titled "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" that was written to get after this kind of seeing. That second word is what Jeremiah was doing in that verse. It is not enough to see Christ, to view Him from an emotional distance. Satan has stood before the throne and seen the Lord face to face. But he does not love what he sees. He is unmoved by the beauty and supremacy and glory of our Savior. And too often I am just like him...and because of it, I am without hope.
But like Jeremiah, I too can turn my thoughts back to God and move not just to thinking but to savoring all that God is for me in Christ. The Lord is steadfast. Oh, Father, how true that is. You have never wavered toward me. You have sealed me in Your Son and I remain free in Him. Your mercies will never cease toward your people. Yes, Father. Your Son has done all that was needed to secure not just the end of Your wrath, but the fullness of Your pleasure toward us. His righteousness is now ours through His blood on the cross. He is faithful. Not just faithful, Father, but Great is Your faithfulness. There is no shadow of turning with thee. You remain faithful when I am faithless for you cannot be untrue to Yourself.
This I call to mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord is good...so I am good. And it is good for me to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Brennan and I finally had a day yesterday where no breathing treatments were needed.
The Wildcats won a game.
Hope was restored to a dear sister in need.
I woke to new mercies from our Father...Lamentations 3:19-26...
19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
20My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
21But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
to the soul who seeks him.
26It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Notice though what had not changed...both the Lord and Jeremiah's circumstances were the same. That's good for me to remember today. How much I love it when my hope is restored because my situation has changed...when the illness ends, the money matches the wants, the wounds are healed, the bitterness forgiven, the team wins...
But Jeremiah has found the truest help in his time of need. Not a different day, but a different view of God. Notice in verse 21 the discipline of pulling his thoughts back into line. He called it to mind. Thought hard about God. Who He is? What's He like?
Oh, yeah...that's right. The Lord is steadfast. His love never wavers. His mercies will never cease toward me or any of His people. Jehovah arises with blessing for us. He is faithful. Great is His faithfulness.
But notice now what changed everything within Jeremiah. In verse 24, he gives me a further instruction. Not only did he discipline his mind to think on God, but what Jeremiah saw of God was more than thoughts, more than words. They became his portion. His treasure. His truest good. His highest goal. His only hope.
John Piper wrote a book titled "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ" that was written to get after this kind of seeing. That second word is what Jeremiah was doing in that verse. It is not enough to see Christ, to view Him from an emotional distance. Satan has stood before the throne and seen the Lord face to face. But he does not love what he sees. He is unmoved by the beauty and supremacy and glory of our Savior. And too often I am just like him...and because of it, I am without hope.
But like Jeremiah, I too can turn my thoughts back to God and move not just to thinking but to savoring all that God is for me in Christ. The Lord is steadfast. Oh, Father, how true that is. You have never wavered toward me. You have sealed me in Your Son and I remain free in Him. Your mercies will never cease toward your people. Yes, Father. Your Son has done all that was needed to secure not just the end of Your wrath, but the fullness of Your pleasure toward us. His righteousness is now ours through His blood on the cross. He is faithful. Not just faithful, Father, but Great is Your faithfulness. There is no shadow of turning with thee. You remain faithful when I am faithless for you cannot be untrue to Yourself.
This I call to mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord is good...so I am good. And it is good for me to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Time out
There's nothing like a time out from God. This week it was in the form of a sinus infection for me and a hard hitting cold for Brennan that kept us side by side on the couch (some good things come from hard times!).
But now I've taken a downturn with a Reactive Airway problem that has flared up. Basically, this means that sitting here typing this makes me feel like a can't breathe and I'm beginning to sweat from the exertion! So, back to resting, praying, reading, meditating, listening to some amazing talks from the Desiring God conference. If God gives you some time like He has me, take advantage of those talks...Sinclair Ferguson's was amazing, convicting and has moved me to action. What grace it is to live in 2008 with the technology to be impacted for the Lord 1000 miles away.
Let me give you a taste:
But now I've taken a downturn with a Reactive Airway problem that has flared up. Basically, this means that sitting here typing this makes me feel like a can't breathe and I'm beginning to sweat from the exertion! So, back to resting, praying, reading, meditating, listening to some amazing talks from the Desiring God conference. If God gives you some time like He has me, take advantage of those talks...Sinclair Ferguson's was amazing, convicting and has moved me to action. What grace it is to live in 2008 with the technology to be impacted for the Lord 1000 miles away.
Let me give you a taste:
And then at the end:When I was a late teenager, I was taken on the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth II. It was a mammoth ship. Then I was taken to see what, comparatively speaking, is this tiny rudder that guides it every which way it goes. James says this is what the tongue is like. It is so small. It has no bone. And yet it is so powerful to build up and destroy. Why does it do that? Because it carries the breath of our souls into the world in which you live.
When I was coming down the elevator, a person came in who had obviously been smoking. Each time this person opened his mouth, the air became more polluted. Why? Because this person could not but breathe out what was within. James says this is true of the tongue. And like smokers, we never notice the atmosphere we are breathing out. James says every time we open our mouths, we give ourselves away. As the KJV says, “We give ourselves away.”
One of the burden of my life living in the U.S. is that people keep telling me I have an accent. I can’t open my mouth without betraying my identity. It’s the apparent disproportion between this tiny, little instrument and the connectedness it has to my being that I can’t open my mouth with out showing whether or not I give myself away as someone who breathes depravity in the room.
As I said early on, almost everywhere I go people say I have an accent. The most wonderful thing is that 15 minutes into preaching the word, no one remembers my accent. The best place outside of the sanctuary is in elevators. I get off on my floor, and people say “Where do you come from?” As the doors close, I say, “Columbia, SC” and see a puzzled look. That’s a parable for what’s possible for the people of God in our own time.
Wherever you are, it’s not so much what you say while you're in the room, it’s the questions people have when you leave the room. “Where do you come from?” This is someone who has been with Jesus. By God’s grace, James says that we may so grow to maturity that we may begin to speak like our blessed Lord Jesus.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Faith and Generosity
I heard a good word today from a friend. He was thinking about what motivates our economic markets and pinpointed it to two things: fear and greed. People enter the market to make more money and they leave it for fear they will lose some if they don't get out now. The question he asked to some college guys this morning was How much of your life is lived out of these two motivators? One guy was quick to speak the words my heart cries out...Too much. The Lord revealed to him two other words that shape not the American economy, but God's economy. Those are the motivators of faith and generosity. A life lived without fear and without need. Oh, how I long for that today.
I long to look more like my Savior who was satisfied not with what He saw but in His Father. He was always content, but never complacent. Always busy, but never stressed. Always in want, but never in need. Never self-seeking...always wanting what the Father wanted...always doing what the Father...even saying what the Father wanted.
But I can see that I was different last week. It's not a surprise that it came now, three games into the season. I start off at a sprint with thoughts and words like I expressed here...but then comes this part and it's like I hit a hill...a long, long hill. Some sweet ladies that I meet with one morning asked how they could pray for me. I told them that they could pray that I would believe my own blog postings! The Lord has used those words from a friend today to shine light in my heart's dark places...I lived last week with greed. I wanted more than the Lord provided...more time with Wayne, more help around the house and with the homework, more rest, more money...more...more...more...
I can see the movement that God has done in my life over the years. I was one who from childhood lived always wanting more than she had. God's grace has moved me to the path of becoming a woman who wants what God gives. I long to be the woman who desires what, and only what, the Lord provides, who has learned the secret of being content...I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But not last week. Last week was a blast from the past. A woman who lived each moment wanting more than the Lord provided. With that comes weariness, seeking after gain for myself, stealing rest when I should be working, then struggling to catch up which causes stress in me and in my family. And I know where it leads...from greed to fear. Self-protective, words that seek to be filled up rather than giving out, anxiety about the girls, the money, the house, the future...which lead me to greater greediness to get from this world so that I can be free of the fear.
How I long for the attitude of a wise man named Agur from Proverbs 30. He has the humility I need:
But also the perspective I need to live my life in such a way that I neither deny my Father or profane His name:
He saw in himself that tendency to cheat and lie when he feels like he doesn't have enough...and to deny the very presence of God when he is satisfied. The wisdom is found in the fact that he knew it. He knew that the middle ground of contentment with what the Lord has would gain him the world. He learned thousands of years before Christ spoke the words that if you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, all those things would be added unto you.
A life lived before God, with God and to His glory. A life free of greed and fear. That'd be a better week! One in which my girls could taste and see that the Lord is good. One in which my husband would know no lack of gain. Small steps today will lead to large gains in my life...beginning with a little faith and generosity.
I long to look more like my Savior who was satisfied not with what He saw but in His Father. He was always content, but never complacent. Always busy, but never stressed. Always in want, but never in need. Never self-seeking...always wanting what the Father wanted...always doing what the Father...even saying what the Father wanted.
But I can see that I was different last week. It's not a surprise that it came now, three games into the season. I start off at a sprint with thoughts and words like I expressed here...but then comes this part and it's like I hit a hill...a long, long hill. Some sweet ladies that I meet with one morning asked how they could pray for me. I told them that they could pray that I would believe my own blog postings! The Lord has used those words from a friend today to shine light in my heart's dark places...I lived last week with greed. I wanted more than the Lord provided...more time with Wayne, more help around the house and with the homework, more rest, more money...more...more...more...
I can see the movement that God has done in my life over the years. I was one who from childhood lived always wanting more than she had. God's grace has moved me to the path of becoming a woman who wants what God gives. I long to be the woman who desires what, and only what, the Lord provides, who has learned the secret of being content...I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But not last week. Last week was a blast from the past. A woman who lived each moment wanting more than the Lord provided. With that comes weariness, seeking after gain for myself, stealing rest when I should be working, then struggling to catch up which causes stress in me and in my family. And I know where it leads...from greed to fear. Self-protective, words that seek to be filled up rather than giving out, anxiety about the girls, the money, the house, the future...which lead me to greater greediness to get from this world so that I can be free of the fear.
How I long for the attitude of a wise man named Agur from Proverbs 30. He has the humility I need:
1The words of Agur son of Jakeh. The oracle.
The man declares, I am weary, O God;
I am weary, O God, and worn out.
2Surely I am too stupid to be a man.
I have not the understanding of a man.
3I have not learned wisdom,
nor have I knowledge of the Holy One.
7Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
8Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
9lest I be full and deny you
and say, "Who is the LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.
A life lived before God, with God and to His glory. A life free of greed and fear. That'd be a better week! One in which my girls could taste and see that the Lord is good. One in which my husband would know no lack of gain. Small steps today will lead to large gains in my life...beginning with a little faith and generosity.
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